My Obsession
by TheYearOfDelena115
Summary: Picking up after 4x03 - The tension they can't deny & no longer want to. What happens when things escalate & Damon & Elena's blood sharing doesn't stay a onetime thing? The blood has changed Elena. All she wants, hears, and longs for Damon. She doesn't tell Stefan. Where does that leave them? What does that say about her? Nothing. Because blood sharing isn't really cheating, right?
1. Chapter 1 - Radioactive

Radioactive - Imagine Dragons

_I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
Enough to make my systems blow  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive_

_I raise my flags, don my clothes_  
_It's a revolution, I suppose_  
_We're painted red to fit right in_  
_Whoa_  
_I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus_  
_This is it, the apocalypse_  
_Whoa_

* * *

"Elena," whispers called.

"_Elena_" another whisper purred.

As I opened my eyes slowly, in front of me I saw Damon smiling peacefully on my bed as he lay on his side and propped his head up with his hand.

"Won't you ever leave me alone?" I whispered, smiling, obviously not upset.

"Oh, that's not what you were saying a couple of seconds ago."

"Oh, really. What did I say?" I blushed, but I was still too tired to realize the gravity of his words.

"You were calling my name. And you know how it works, you call, _I _come. I'm easy like that." He grinned.

"Damon. This has to _stop."_ I sang, not sounding to convinced.

"Tell me to leave Elena, and I'll go. I will." Damon's face turned serious.

As the room turned tense I couldn't speak any more, all I could do was watch how serious his face looked and all the pain that I caused him. I pet his face with the softest of touches and stared at his face, fascinated.

"I love you, Elena. I won't be selfish with you. If you want me gone-" Damon started to say, but instead of moving away, he moved closer until his lips were on mine. I closed my eyes. It was the softest of kisses, because I was too terrified of giving in. _What about Stefan?_

I groaned as I waved the thoughts away and finally succumbed.

I giggled as he bit my neck, and opened my eyes.

But this time, it was as if I had really opened my eyes and things were entirely different.

"Elena," Stefan moaned.

"Stefan?" I quickly sat up and sort of awkwardly pushed him away.

"Elena what's wrong?" Stefan asked, looking at me with actual worry.

"Nothing, sorry. I thought I was just dreaming about _you_, but when I realized I was actually awake I felt really hungry. I freaked out, sorry." Stefan reached for my hand and my shoulders stiffened slightly, but I don't think he really noticed.

_It was just a hallucination. A dream. Fuck. What am I gonna do?_

"Do you maybe want a blood bag, or something?" Stefan asked awkwardly. I knew it was hard for him to ask and I smiled at his effort.

"Um, I can't really keep that down." I said lowly and nervously. I didn't want to make this anymore awkward than it already was but I didn't want to lie anymore.

"We, well, we can try the animal thing again. I mean it's been a couple days, you should be adjusting better by now." Stefan smiled, trying to perk up my nervous mood.

"Um," I bit my lip from shouting, _That's a horrible idea, Stefan. Don't you understand? I can't stand it. _"Sure." I nodded sweetly.

"Perfect," Stefan sat up and kissed my lips chastely.

"Well, I have to go. I told Caroline I'd meet her around now. But how does hunting at noonish sound?" Stefan started to stand up and crossed his arms as he waited for my response.

"Perfect." I nodded again.

"Alright, see you then. I love you, Elena." Stefan kissed me again.

"Love you too, Stefan." I said not only uncomfortably, but also like it had sucked all of my energy out.

I tried to pretend really I did, because I love Stefan. But this whole, '_let's have elena learn to compel bunnies and squirrels so she can eat them' _was driving me more and more insane. I _almost _killed Matt, my ex-boyfriend and longtime friend yesterday because I couldn't control my thirst. More bunny eating was not only getting me nowhere but driving me _insane_.

"I can't stand this!" I yelled as I sat up and started pacing around the room in my pj's. Way too upset to continue sitting.

I couldn't stand the rage that I felt. It was overwhelming. And though the motorcycle ride yesterday was all cute and dandy, this _thirst _wasn't going away. And it was _consuming_ me.

I ran to the bathroom to calm down and look at myself in the mirror. "You're going to be fine, Elena." I whispered to myself as I made tight fists and was prepared to break everything in my room.

"_You're a vampire now. You just have to learn the right way to be one. And_ _I'm gonna teach you." _Damon had said.

I shook my head at the joy I felt as I remembered the words. If I was going to be honest, I knew that Damon was the only person who could understand me now.

Stefan ignored it, and if he saw me, what I was really like-

He might _hate _me. And I can't stand the thought of him actually _hating _me.

I really wish that I could have the all-powerful discipline he has but – I don't. And if someone doesn't help me soon, things are not going to be pretty. I just _know _it.

I walked over to my closet as I remembered how kind Damon was as he tried to help me forget how terrible I felt for hurting Matt's feelings.

* * *

"I'm not gonna be able to sleep, Damon." I whispered, exasperated and still shaken over the incident that had only occurred 5 minutes prior.

"You can, Elena. You just have to _not _think about it. Just turn the pain off." Damon stopped as we reached my bedroom and looked at me seriously, we were relatively close to each other, and his scent was threatening to make me forget everything…. but I stubbornly kept my ground

"No, Damon." I shook my head. "I don't want to turn off my humanity."

"You don't have to, Elena." Damon whispered.

"You just have to understand that you're very _new. _You can't control your actions. Believe me, you're doing much better than you think."

"I'm not doing better than you." I sighed. "Plus, I'm still _starving_." All of a sudden, the mood in the room changed and all I could look at was Damon's arm. Before I knew what I was doing I grabbed it and pet the center, where a scar should have been, but wasn't there.

"No, Elena." Damon snatched his hand away.

"I wasn'-t" I tried to lie and save myself.

"Yes, you were. And that's fine. Normally, I'd agree with you. But I don't want Stefan to go punch me in the face again-"

"He punched you?" I asked, all of a sudden alarmed.

"I'd much not rather get into all the details." Damon rolled his eyes. "Back to Matt."

"Damon. I just forgot, for two seconds. Why'd you have to bring him up?" I sighed as I walked towards my closet, grabbed my clothes, and changed.

"I'm doing things that don't make sense, Damon." I slugged towards my bed. "And I'm terrified because it's like I have _no _control over the things I do anymore." I whispered as I sat on my bed in my pj's and looked at him.

"Things will get better. And you know how I know? Look at Stefan. He pillaged towns – now look at him." Damon smirked nervously, trying to look composed but scared for my reaction.

"Not helping." I laughed. "I don't want to pillage towns before I learn control, Damon."

"You won't, Elena. I would never let you." Damon whispered.

I looked at him as he walked towards me and I felt my non-existent heart trying to beat.

"Thank you, Damon." I whispered as I slid under the covers and yawned, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with exhaustion.

"You always know what to say." I smiled as he stood next to me and looked down at me.

"Comes with my super awesome personality." He shrugged as he smiled softly.

"Goodnight, Damon." I closed my eyes.

"Goodnight, Elena." Damon whispered as he pet my face with the softest of touches, and that was the last thing I felt before I woke up.

* * *

As I walked down the stairs I heard voices, and stopped walking to eavesdrop.

"It was really fun, Damon. Thanks." I heard Jeremy laugh.

"Don't mention it." I heard Damon reply.

"Does this mean I'm part of Team Badass?" I heard Jeremy grin.

"God, Jeremy, don't ever say that again." I heard Damon say with disgust.

"Whatever." Jeremy laughed. "What's my next mission?"

I noticed that Damon heard me breathing, because he stopped talking. So I decided to start walking again, to make it seem like I hadn't been eavesdropping all this time.

"You want a mission?" I walked into the kitchen and watched Damon smirk as I walked in. "Check out that April girl. I must say I'm suspicious about that whole Pastor Young thing. Check what she's been up to, who she's been hanging out with. That sort of thing."

"Yes sir." Jeremy saluted Damon. "Hey, Elena." Jeremy nodded.

"Hi, Jer. What's this talk about missions?" I smiled at him.

"Oh, silly guy stuff. You wouldn't want to know." Jeremy squinted his nose and I could feel his heart race as he lied, trying to keep a secret from me.

"Jeremy…" I sang and looked at him suspiciously.

"Sorry 'Lena, no time. Gotta go. Bye." Jeremy shortly said as he ran to the door. "Don't get into too much trouble kids!" He yelled right before slamming the door.

"How long have you been here for?" I asked Damon, casually opening the fridge and pulling out a blood bag.

"Ah, 5 minutes." He shrugged.

"God, I'm starving." I groaned as I pierced the bag and began to drink.

"Why are you drinking that stuff?" Damon made a face.

"Because," I paused taking my fangs out of the bag. "Stefan wants to take me to hunt, and If I don't drink about 20 of these I might just go crazy." Damon smirked painfully as he watched me eat.

It should've been awkward the silence. But it wasn't. It was actually nerve-wracking, watching Damon watching me feed. Obviously interested in the bag himself, but never daring to come close to me.

"You know, I meant what I said." Damon whispered as he took a few steps toward me. "If you'd let me teach you, you'd never have to rely on _this." _Damon flicked the bag that was in my hands. "or stupid squirrels" Damon rolled his eyes, but the seductive tone of his voice never faltered.

I took the blood package out of my mouth and nodded like a moth to a flame. "When?" I whispered.

Damon grinned and wiped the blood that was obviously on my cheek and brought it to his lips.

The sensuality of the movement almost killed me. His eyes immediately flickered to my lips and my eyes flickered to his lips. I was ready to jump his bones.

"Elena," Bonnie knocked on the door.

I freaked out and dropped the remaining drops of the package on my white shirt.

"Shit." I whispered. Damon looked startled as he jumped out of whatever phase he was in and quickly he ran upstairs.

I got napkins and started cleaning the floor and a little bit of the counter that had some blood that I had dripped on it.

"Elena!" Bonnie knocked again.

Damon came back and through a jacket at me. I quickly put it on as he finished cleaning the blood and threw the papers away.

"I'm coming." I screamed back.

Damon quickly held my face and used a wet napkin to try and clean the skin around my lips that was blood stained and then he wiped my lips.

"Come in!" I yelled as his hands left my lips and I stopped looking at his lips.

I turned forward and waited for Bonnie to walk in.

"I'm in the kitchen." I yelled as I walked a few steps away from Damon to look less suspicious.

"What are you _doing_ here?" Bonnie asked suspiciously.

"You know, the usual. Harassing Elena into doing no good." Damon smirked, and I looked back to narrow my eyes at him.

He shrugged.

"_Whatever_. Elena, I just wanted to know what you've been up to. I've been sort of anti-social since the last spell and everything" Bonnie grew quiet. "But I'm better now. How are you feeling?" Bonnie smiled, and opened her arms for a hug. I gave in a hugged her. "How is it being a-" She paused.

"Vampire?" I laughed. "Horrible." I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help feeling overwhelmed by the loud sound of the only heartbeat in the room. Immediatley hunger grew inside me again.

"Right, well Elena's really not in a good place to be with humans right now. So maybe you should come back when she's controlled her thirst a little more-" Damon looked at me and realized within one second where my thoughts were going.

"What?" Bonnie looked shocked.

"Damon!" I looked at him sternly, knowing he was only doing what was best.

"What is he talking about, Elena?" Bonnie looked at me, and the embarrassment helped me to cool down.

"I'm new so I'm having a little bit of trouble," I gulped. "keeping my thirst down. It's like this all consuming force and-" stop thinking like that, Elena, she's your best friend- "it's just hard because I haven't learned how to control it yet." I smiled a forced smile and she didn't buy it for a second.

"How do you control it?" Bonnie looked at Damon for a response.

"Well I always say Practice makes perfect." He grinned.

"She could kill people." Bonnie hissed in disgust.

"Oh hush. If the proper person was watching, and believe me _he will be_, Elena would do no such thing. It's just kind of hard to do in a place where everyone know everyone-"

"Well, Elena, I'm going up to Whitmore College to visit this professor up there who took over the Occult Studies class that Grams used to teach. If you wanted to come-" Bonnie looked at me hopefully.

I froze in place not able to respond.

"Absolutely." Damon smirked. "This would be a perfect opportunity."

"Why don't you bring Stefan?" Bonnie asked.

"No, not Stefan." I shook my head. "He's sort of in denial about all this drinking from human's thing." I gulped.

"Okay?" Bonnie looked at me questioningly. "So I figured we could leave around 4:30ish Because I have appointment with him tomorrow in the morning." Bonnie stated, non-judging seeing as how she realized I would say nothing in the presence of Damon.

"That's perfect. Thanks for coming Bonnie." Damon smiled and grabbed her arms and started pushing her out the door.

"Damon!" Bonnie yelled as he rudely kicked her out.

"Stop being such a jerk, Damon!" I yelled, almost laughing at his bluntness.

He walked back and looked at me with a giant smirk.

"What am I going to do with you?" I giggled playfully and I realized that he was standing very close to me now.

Closer than yesterday, when he was_ undressing… _

"Pack. We're leaving in a couple of hours." Damon said abruptly and turned around and headed out, as if seeing my train of thought and trying to stop it dead in its tracks.

"Brat." I whispered.

"Love you too, Elena." Damon yelled and slammed the door as he walked out.

What am I going to do with him!? I bagged my fists onto my kitchen counter.

_Oh, god. I'm going on a _trip _with him. Alone. _Gulp.

* * *

"Stefan, no more." I shook my head as I swallowed the last drop of animal blood I could take.

"It's alright, Elena. You don't have to drink it anymore." Stefan patted my back and I tried my hardest to swallow without disgust – it didn't work.

I started wiping my mouth from that disgustingness and tried to think about how to tell Stefan about my trip that was to occur in less than an hour.

"I love you, Elena." Stefan pulled me in for a kiss and I kissed him back as he back me up onto a tree.

"I love you too, Stefan." I smiled and put my arms around him, no longer making out with him, but simply putting a final chaste kiss on his lips.

"So Bonnie's taking a trip to see this professor of Occult Studies, it's the class her grandma used to teach." I started.

"Yeah," Stefan said as he kissed my neck. "And," I paused making it obvious I was waiting for his undivided attention.

"And?"

"We're crashing Bonnie's trip to Whitmore college."

"Whose we?" Stefan smiled.

"Me, _Damon_." I almost whispered.

Quickly I kissed him again in fear of his rejection.

"Damon." Stefan hissed, not sounding entirely shocked, but certainly tense.

"He volunteered to go when Bonnie asked me, he's just-" I started.

"He told me. He wants to _teach_ you?" Stefan laughed sarcastically.

_When did he tell him?_

Stefan, I think it could help." I whispered, afraid to bother him.

"Snatch, eat, erase. Yeah, I got it." Stefan clenched his jaw.

I winced as he said the words, afraid of hurting his feelings because he couldn't come with me - it would be too risky.

"Stefan-" I whispered before he spoke again.

"There's a lot of people in Whitmore College – a lot of fresh blood." Stefan said in a worried voice.

"But who needs that with all this animal blood that I get to have with my boyfriend?" I grinned trying to cover a giant lie.

"Just, be careful okay? The blood," he paused as I held my hands on his chest. "It's easy to get caught up into."

My face continued to smile – sort of. But the words almost gave me a heart attack. _If I still had a heart_.

"Of course." I smiled and gave him another kiss on the lips.

_Oh my god as long as I don't have to drink another drop of that disgusting animal garbage again in my entire life I will be fine…_

* * *

It seemed like eternity in the car, but we finally got to Whitmore College and stepped out of the vehicle. It felt weird asking Bonnie to let Damon teach me to feed with her here… and Damon was such a pain in the ass that I asked her if she wanted to back out as we got out of the car.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" I asked as I closed the front seat door and watched bonnie do the same to her back seat.

"If I could spell you out of wanting blood I would. But I can't so, better you learn this now than at freshmen orientation." She replied as she followed me to the front of the car to Damon.

I looked around at all the students, and saw them as entirely different from myself. They were _human _and as they read and studied, I realized that was something I would never _have_ to do to get by…

"Something tells me college is not in my future anymore." I sighed.

"Oh, stop with the pity party." Damon said, and I turned around to see him staring at all the students as well. "If I could go to college, you can go to college."

"_You? _Went to college?" Bonnie had a smirk as she looked at him incredulously.

I merely lightly smiled.

"Sure, plenty of times. I always had a _thing _for sorority girls." Damon looked at me with those dancing _eyes_ and I just wanted to punch him.

"You're disgusting." Bonnie rolled her eyes and I sighed.

"I know." Damon whispered.

Bonnie and I both turned around and started walking as Damon followed.

After a couple of minutes of walking, I realized Damon had ditched us, and I rolled my eyes. Bonnie noticed too and walked towards the shade and saw this as her opportunity to pounce.

"What's going on, Elena?" She asked, nonchalantly.

"What do you mean? I played dumb.

"Come on, Elena." Bonnie rolled her eyes. "You know what. What's going on with you and Damon?"

"Right now, nothing. I'm with Stefan. Damon's just better at helping me with being a vampire because he understands." I finally explained.

"He understands something Stefan doesn't?" Bonnie looked at me questionably. "There's a first." She almost laughed.

"It's just-" I paused trying to find the words. "Damon understands that I'm hungry. It's not just for animal blood. Stefan _expects _me to just join him, and I can't. I physically can't. I can't keep animal blood down." I blurt out.

"Why don't you tell Stefan that?" She asked.

"I tried! But he looked so happy about me joining him that I couldn't tell him. Meanwhile Damon knows how to control it while still drinking human blood, and since the animal blood has been failing me all this time-" I intentionally left out the part where I was so hungry from not eating human blood I _almost_ killed matt. There was no reason Bonnie really had to know that just yet-

"You figure you might as well give this a try?" Bonnie finished my sentence.

"Exactly." I nodded.

"Well, I hope you're careful, Elena. I'm not sure you know what you're doing." Bonnie sighed.

"Me neither." I smiled.

"Aha, ladies! Look what I got." Damon smirked as he walked his way over to us a paper in his hand.

"What?" I asked.

"If this is something stupid, I don't want to know about it Damon." Bonnie rolled her eyes.

"Oh, quiet witchy. Now look," he paused as he handed me a flyer that had 'Murder House' written on it. "a frat party, Deusch central. Plenty of nice hot fresh blood-" Damon smirked, and all of a sudden my thirst came in again.

"Gross, Damon." Bonnie rolled her eyes.

"It says we have to dress up." I said.

"Eh, that's the least of our concerns. _We'll_ be eating very well." Damon smiled at me as he rubbed his hands together deviously.

"Why not?" Bonnie sighed.

And all I could do was stare at the eagerness on Damon's face, and shake in excitement for what delicious pleasures tonight would bring.

* * *

**what'd you think? Read and review :D i'm excited for the next chapter :D but not as excited as i will be 4x04... omfg...**


	2. Chapter 2 - Don't Stop Me Now

**Don't Stop Me Now**

_Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time__  
__I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!__  
__I'm floating around in ecstasy__  
__So don't stop me now don't stop me__  
__'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time__I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies__  
__Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity__  
__I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva__  
__I'm gonna go go go__  
__There's no stopping me__Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time__  
__I'm having a ball don't stop me now__  
__If you wanna have a good time just give me a call__  
__Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)__  
__Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)__  
__I don't want to stop at all__I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars__  
__On a collision course__  
__I am a satellite I'm out of control__  
__I am a __**sex machine ready to reload**__  
__**Like an atom bomb about to**__**  
**__Oh oh oh oh oh __**explode**_

* * *

_**A/N: i hope this is realistic - that's always what i strive for... let me know what you think! Thanks for all the reviews3**_

* * *

'I am not a whore.'

'I am not a whore.'

I am not a whore.'

'I am not a whore.'

'I am not a whore.'

'I am not a whore.'

'But I like to do it.'

There was a part of me that wanted to dance away to _I Am Not a Whore _by LMFAO, but the other larger part that couldn't wait to _eat. _I shook my head from the massive thirst that consumed me at the moment as we walked through the front door of a relatively large white frat house with the letters EKB, or epsilon kappa beta, on one side of the house and 'Murder House' on the other.

* * *

As I walked in, Damon stood behind me, and Bonnie behind him. I looked curiously at all the lights and all the dancing people, I almost grinned in satisfaction and a bit of embarrassment as a few guys ogled me. Was it there fault? Not really. It was all Damon's. Or mine actually…

"What are we looking for?" Bonnie asked as we went to the costume store and started picking through clothes.

"Well, it says we can dress up as our favorite villain or target-" Damon grinned. "So I guess I'll just go as myself." He smirked.

I simply glared.

"Eh, maybe not." Damon shrugged as he headed over to a costume.

"Are you sure you want to go to this?" Bonnie whispered to me.

I knew it was useless, since Damon could hear every word, but I whispered back anyway.

"Yeah, why not. It'll be fun." I smiled comfortingly.

"It could be dangerous." She whispered, still clanging hangers beside me trying to pretend we were still looking for clothes.

"Damon wouldn't let me do anything I didn't want to do." I assured her.

"Are you sure about that?" She looked at me through the corner of her, doubtfully.

"What do you mean?" I stopped pretending with her and started looking at her directly.

What was she insinuating? That of all the times Damon had proved himself, this was the _one _time he was just going to break my trust and disappoint me? Yeah, that was not true. And it was upsetting that she would think that of him.

"I mean that maybe Damon has his own agenda in all of this." Bonnie stopped clanging hangers too, trying to make sure I wasn't too angry.

"His only agenda in all of this is to _help _me." I hissed. "That's all he ever does. I understand why you might be skeptical, but I've seen a different side of Damon, and he's nothing like what you're thinking."

"Alright, Elena." Bonnie whispered passively. "I just hope you're right."

_I am damn it. _ I thought.

"Ladies! I have found _our _costumes." Damon smirked coming from behind us.

"Our?" I smiled nervously, what did he take from my conversation with Bonnie?

"Mhm." Damon nodded as he pulled his costume from behind us.

"I'll be Jack the Ripper!" He laughed.

"I thought you said you weren't going to be yourself?" Bonnie smiled sourly.

"Hey, let's not confuse my brother and I, shall we?" Damon smiled viciously.

"And where's our costumes?" I immediately diffused their argument.

"Well naturally you'll go as my _victims_." Damon did the little dance with his eyebrows as he smirked.

"Absolutely not." Bonnie shook her head adamantly.

"You're awful." I rolled my eyes. "But why not?" I shrugged.

"Yeah, why not?" Damon grinned. "I'll _even_ let you choose your own costumes."

"We're going as _his _victims?" Bonnie's eyes almost popped out of her head.

"Why not? It's just a party." I laughed.

"Okay…?" She looked at me as if I were an entirely different person, a stranger.

As I tried my hardest to continue the smile when her heart beat quickened and my hunger threatened to consume me, Damon came to my side and said, "why don't you help me pick out a tie." He had to drag me, but I somehow turned with him.

"Thank you," I whispered, and he nodded.

_If only she knew._

* * *

I walked in with a dark blue sweater that covered my extremely tight dark highlighter blue corset, that was covered in black see through lace and poofed into the tiniest of skirts, that might have been long enough to cover booty shorts – which I wasn't wearing - I was wearing stockings and heels though. I also had a tight black cloth necklace thing around my neck. I curled my hair into waves while separating both sides of my hair by putting two little pony tails on the top of my head. Then I put extra eye-liner on and lip gloss, to get into character. The _Party _character.

Bonnie was dressed similarly, except her dress had a cape and was much longer than mine. She was also wearing fake blood on her neck, which I couldn't help but laugh every time I saw. We looked very similar, and she looked gorgeous.

I hadn't gone to a party in forever and I was thrilled to finally be having some fun, _at a party_, which I hadn't done in a while. It felt like the perfect opportunity to just _let _go all the emotions I had been feeling till now and just have fun! For once…

"Let's get drinks." Damon whispered loudly in my ear.

I couldn't help but get goose bumps as he stood so close behind me, but I ignored it as I followed him because he always seemed to know where he was going.

The bar was filled with alcohol sections, some bloody Mary's, some pina colada's, some rum and cokes, etc. Damon got a bloody mary and handed me and Bonnie one.

"So how's this gonna work?" I asked Damon, curious, and no longer worried about being _too_straightforward. I was starving damn it.

"Pick your victim." Damon grinned out loud as he took a sip of his bloody Mary and then pointed at everyone.

"Just like that?" I asked.

He nodded. "Find some random guy," he said coming closer to me. "Come." Damon grabbed my hand and started working.

"Wait, Bonnie-" I started, sort of worried about leaving her alone.

"Don't worry, Elena. Go, Learn." She grinned and took a sip of her drink, but I couldn't help but notice the worry in her eyes.

"Bye Witchy." Damon yelled.

As Damon dragged me, I couldn't help but laugh at his top hat. It was so un-Damonlike to be in this costume, that I couldn't help but giggle.

We paused in front of a thick column that hid us both and Damon put his hand on it as he backed me up into it and leaned in.

"There's a guy over there." Damon started, he wasn't looking at me, just the guy. Meanwhile I couldn't help but feel excited as Damon was so close, and I was so close to getting my first lesson, and first _meal _in days. "He's a blonde and he's wearing like a casual shirt with a glow in the dark necklace, with a giant bloody Mary in his hand." Damon stopped looking at him and started looking at me.

I started laughing hysterically at his top hat. Seriously, I couldn't take it seriously.

"What?" Damon spit out asngrily.

"I'm sorry, it's your hat. I just-" I started fanning myself to not cry from laughter and ruin my eyeliner. "Alright, I'm sorry. I'm back."

"Quit being _cute_." Damon rolled his eyes. "Do you want to learn or not?" He hissed.

I nodded.

"Alright then," Damon grinned. "You're going to go over there and flirt with the guy. Get him to go over to one of the darker places over here. And then I'll help you."

"Okay," I nodded, as if hypnotized by the music and he's voice at the same time, as well as the blood that I was ecstatic to start feeding on.

"Alright, Go." Damon nodded.

I quickly walked around him and started talking to the guy.

"Hey, what's your name?" The guy grinned before I a human would've been close enough to hear him.

"Elena," I smiled, coquettishly.

"Elena," He tried to say seductively – it didn't work. Only Damon said it seductively. "I like it. Mine's Jake."

I nodded as I took a sip of my Bloody Mary.

"Bloody Mary's free until Midnight." He raised his giant blood Mary glass. I smirked, trying to be pretend to be attracted to this obvious deusch bag.

"Do you wanna dance?" I smiled seductively.

"Hell yeah." He nodded and immediately made his way over to me, and grabbed my waist. I rolled my eyes as I led him to the place where Damon told me to go. But instead of waiting for Damon, the hunger and disgust for this guy overwhelmed me and I pushed him forcefully against the wall where no one would see him.

"What the hell?" The guy grinned, obviously turned on.

_Gross. _

How could anyone feel bad for feeding on guys like this? Immediately I attacked this guys neck and sank my fangs into him.

Oh my god finally. This was better than being on a three year carb diet and then finally eating some cake and donuts in one day., This was better than sex. This was, oh god, delicious.

I back into this guy, and he was squirming, but the music made his sounds unintelligible.

"Elena!" Damon yelled. "You were supposed to wait!" Damon yelled, watching out for me.

I simply moaned, ignoring him.

"Alright, Elena. That's enough."

"Mhm." I moaned again.

"Elena!" Damon yelled.

I wouldn't back down.

"Elena, _come on_." Damon started to pull at my waist.

Somehow I found it in myself to pulling away from that orgasmic taste of blood and I retreated my fangs from his neck and laughed as I wiped my mouth. The guy in front of me looked terrified.

"Compel him, Elena." Damon said, standing very close to me.

"You will not remember this. You just made out with some random girl. She gave you a huge hickey. You're going to brag to all of your friends about this girl, but you're not going to remember which one it is. She was pretty." I hissed in a smile, still licking my lips and teeth. The guy walked away.

I turned around and grinned at Damon.

"What'd you think?" He grinned back.

I couldn't help but hug him and keep him close to me. I wanted that proximity, I wanted to feel that _pleasure _again and what better than _Damon Salvatore-_

"I want _more_." I whispered in his ear and grabbed him close.

"That can be arranged." Damon grinned and pushed me away from him.

I almost cried as he pushed me away, but decided to ignore the extreme depressing emotion as he pulled me with him.

"Wait, I want to pick now." I giggled, feeling similar to a tipsy feeling.

"Your choice, Elena. As always." Damon grinned and waved at all the people in front of us.

"I pick him." I pointed at a guy who was standing against a column; he was relatively attractive and had a plain shirt. He was by himself, which made him so much easier a victim.

As I walked over with confidence, I knew Damon was not too far behind me and I felt like bouncing up and down in joy, but tried to keep my cool. _Where's the Elena that should feel repulsed by this? _I laughed.

Anywhere, but here.

I walked over to the guy, and he looked up at me and smiled. "You want to dance?" I grinned.

"Sure." He grinned coolly, walking over to me, but way too close for comfort. As his hands were about touch me I pushed him against the other column and hissed. He looked at me strangely, and before I gave him the chance to respond, I attacked his neck and began to drink. Again, the guy squirmed and yelled but with the extremely loud music playing again, I almost danced.

Drinking human blood that was real and flowing was like taking E or something. It was pure ecstasy and deliciousness and uh… I can't even explain it.

I noticed Damon was standing in front of me, and staring as I fed. He gulped as I looked up at him. And then he looked away.

Even though I didn't want to at all, I mustered all my discipline and stopped feeding.

"You won't," I panted. "Remember this." I let out another breath. "Go away." I waved him away as I went to Damon and began to grab whatever remaining blood was on my teeth with my tongue.

"You're hungry." I said, it was harder to pronounce with my fangs, and it felt kind of funny, but I ignored it.

"It's nothing. I'll get my share later." Damon smirked, trying to make me ignore the issue.

"Feed with me." I said the words faster than I could think and process them. But once I did, I didn't regret it. He immediately tensed up.

"Who's going to watch you and keep you under control?" He swallowed as he actually considered my proposal.

"It's getting easier," I nodded with a smile. "As long as I can have another one right after, and another one…" I giggled, feeling almost drunk off of blood.

Damon grinned.

I reached out for Damon's hand with a big smile, which must have been a little frightening with my fangs still out.

"I choose…" I started looking around in the outskirts of the party for a person who was alone. All of a sudden I felt Damon snatch his hand away, and when I turned to look at him, he was already feeding on some blonde's neck - and instead of fear, the blonde seemed to be _enjoying _it.

Whore.

What is it with Damon and blondes?

The faces and moans that came from the girl as Damon fed from her, made me so freaking angry and turned on that I was ready to kick someone's ass or have sex with them at the same time. Instead, I found the guy that was right in front of this blonde girl and went up to him and just started feeding on him out of nowhere. It immediately soothed me.

The song went to Gangnam style and I immediately wanted to dance, but instead, I just squeezed this guy harder as I tried to drown on the moans of the girl right in front of me. I wanted to keep drinking this guy's blood, but the girl was distracting as hell. I opened my eyes to see what Damon was doing and and I immediately felt a rage equivalent to my hatred for Rebecca, consume me as Damon was basically grinding her and she was enjoying his drinking from her.

I tore myself from this guys neck, and blood drinked down my mouth, then I compelled him

"You won't remember this." I hissed, wiping my mouth.

I immediately walked over to Damon, and poked him on his shoulder. He reluctantly let go of her.

"What is it?" He hissed.

As blood covered his mouth and started dripping, I was dying to kiss him and lick it off. I was too angry to be nice enough to kiss him, so I got to the point.

"I'm bored." I hissed.

"You want to try something _really_ fun?" Damon's smile immediately had my lower half dancing in excitement, and I nodded.

He grinned in a laugh and compelled the girl before grabbing my hand and leading me somewhere dark, near the bar – still in the party.

There was a brunette and tan girl standing against the wall, attractive, but watching everyone dance – she looked lonely.

"We're going to drink from her at the same time." He grinned.

My eyes widened.

"It's extremely awesome, _trust _me." The corners of his mouth were fighting the rest of him as the bounced trying to hide his excitement. "We have to be careful though."

I nodded in a laugh at his nervousness.

He kept holding onto one of my hands, and with the other one he grabbed this girls waist and went straight for the kill -her neck.

"What the-" She yelled, but I shut her up when I pierced the other side. It was amazing this feeling – biting the girl while holding Damon's hand over her stomach. Damon and I were basically on top of her trying to both get my blood and to get closer to each other, and I thought it felt orgasmic before –

I opened my eyes and saw Damon's eyes were already open. It was so erotic watching as he sucked the girls blood at the same time I did. It made me suck the girl's blood harder and harder.

Damon hissed when he repealed his fangs from her neck, I didn't want to but I had before I realized it. The girl collapsed on the floor, after Damon and I had released our hold on her.

"Is she," I paused, panting and staring intensely up at Damon's eyes – he did the same. "She gonna be okay?" I asked, not even looking at her, extremely focused on Damon's proximity as we both walked closely to each other.

"Yeah, someone will think she's just drunk-"

"Good," I nodded and laughed – feeling drunk myself. "That was _so fun_." I giggled.

"Yeah," Damon nodded.

"I wanna dance!" I laughed.

"Alright, go dance. I'll meet you there in 5 minutes." Damon grinned.

I immediately ran over and started dancing as I got lost in the crowd. All the blood was getting to me like drugs, alcohol, and sex together – but without any guilt or sickness following it.

And I was just letting it consume me.

I felt somebody grab me from behind, and I immediately noticed it was Damon.

"I love when I dance with you!" I gleefully bounced as he turned me around to face him.

"Well then you're gonna love dancing right now…" Damon grinned and I laughed.

"Fine, but first take off this stupid hat." I laughed and knocked his hat off, he pulled me in with a laugh.

In that moment I understood what '_everything is heightened' _meant – and as I danced to It's Time by Imagine Dragons with Damon guiding me, God I couldn't wait to try it out to the full extent.

* * *

YOU LIKE? Let me know :D


	3. Chapter 3 - Push

Could it be? Did I actually post a new chapter?

Why yes, yes I did.

And i wrote it today - instead of going trick or treating. Because i love you all and Delena that much.

I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS3 I KNOW I DID ;) THIS IS MY PRESENT TO YOU ALL FOR ALL THE REVIEWSSSSSS THANK YOU ALLL

* * *

Push

You should be with me I gotta pocket full of reasons  
Baby I can bless you when you ain't even sneezing  
I be at your rescue when you don't even need me  
**I can have you dreaming when you ain't even sleeping**  
Mamma I can help you get off like the weekend  
You said what you wanna do it to the new Enrique  
I put this in and put the song on replay  
And then she backed it up like

[Enrique]  
When you need it  
**Girl I try to hide it  
But I can't escape it oh baby  
Please forgive me  
**When I think of you my thoughts are so x-rated oh baby

Baby I don't give a damn  
**I know that your man's nowhere in sight oh oh  
**And your eyes don't tell a lie  
I know you wanna come with me tonight  
And I'll see you right  
But first you gotta

Push push back upon it (girl)  
**Make me believe you want it  
Push push back upon it (girl)  
Know I can't go on longing  
**Push push back upon it (girl)  
Go ahead lay it on it (Don't stop)  
**Don't stop until the morning (girl)**  
Just keep pushing back on it

Do you want me (You know it)  
Do you need me (You know it)  
Will you please me (You know it)  
Will you tease me (You know it)

* * *

It's Time had just finished before I realized it, and Spectrum began and I could feel sweat start to form on my body, but I continued to dance anyway. Damon was now standing in front of me and we were no longer touching, but dancing and circling each other – never falling too far away because we were held together by some sort of pull, an attraction – like magnets.

I watched Damon dance for a small period of time, and it was wonderfully graceful at times, and wild, and sexy, and all the things I felt now and wanted to be forever.

"Let's play a game!" Damon yelled, a grin so wide on his face I had never before seen him this excited.

"A game?" My eyes lit up, but I was confused because the only game that popped into my brain was hide and seek – and I wanted to keep dancing!

"Yeah – it's a drinking game. Not the alcohol kind." He winked, and I laughed loudly as I agreed.

I was already extremely blood tipsy – borderline blood drunk – and was feeling absolutely wonderful! I couldn't imagine what more blood would do.

"How do you play?!" I yelled in delight. Damon walked over to me and invaded my personal space as he leaned down right in front of my space to explain - I didn't mind.

"Alright, you have one minute to drink as much as possible from a person," he breathed, still grinning. "Then, you have to compel all three of them to forget, then you go to the bar – drink as many cups as possible, come back and do 10 circles and then dance, then we do it again."

There was so many people surrounding as that Damon was forced towards me and I was forced towards him as they pushed, shoved, and danced. It took about .5 seconds for me so close that he held me in his arms and I looked up at him. And though this situation was extremely sexually tense – most of our encounters were – so I did what I always did and tried to ignore it.

"Okay!" I was all for a drinking game – even if it was from humans. "How do you win?" I yelled.

"Whoever can take the most blood and drink the most without getting drunk, wins." Damon smirked both in confidence and in laughter at my excitement.

"Define _drunk_." I yelled, it wasn't fair – I was a blood light weight. No way I would win that.

"Fine." Damon rolled his eyes, getting my point. "Whoever can compel more people before losing all senses _wins_." Damon grinned.

I bit my lip as Damon unintentionally – I hope – pulled me slightly tighter into him and I accidentally – _accidentally _- put my knee between his legs as we were literally _that _close.

I tried to ignore the feelings that were coming from this current situation and tried to remember why I should be focused on why this would be morally wrong.

_They're people, Elena. They're not your toys. _

_Yeah, but I'm hungry. And they won't die. And they taste delicious…_

A couple bumped into us so hard that Damon's hands fell slightly, but directly in the wrong place – below my waist. He pulled me close to him again unintentionally and I almost moaned as I felt his hardness against me.

"On your marks, get set. Go!" He yelled in my ear.

Immediately he released me and I ran to find random people behind me. There was a random girl, and since it no longer seemed strange to drink from a girl since that wonderful experience only a few minutes ago, I pounced for the kill.

_How the heck am I supposed to know when a minute is up?_ I started thinking, but only half-paid attention seeing as how drinking was consuming most of my thoughts.

I knew, somehow, that as I slid into and out of consciousness Damon was still near me. But all of a sudden I felt his presence leave.

_Shit, the minute's up._

I ran to the bar– skipping the compulsion, , ignored the shocked look Damon gave me as he drank and grabbed as many drinks as was inhumanely possible and ended up drinking about 5 cups filled with about a quarter of different alcohol, hunch punch, coke and rum, a bloody Mary, some strange Columbian thing, and something green.

I ran back to the place where I was dancing and found the girl standing in both confusion and shocking silence. I quickly compelled her and she seemed like a robot as she walked away.

"Don't forget your turns." I heard Damon laugh in my ear.

"Oh my god." I rolled my eyes in exhaustion and laughter.

I turned ten times and Damon watched, after he turned ten times and I watched him.

"Dancing time…" Damon grinned and he put his hands loosely on my hips and grabbed me as we started dancing.

"I won't make it." I shook my head dizzily as I put my arms on his shoulder and started dancing with him.

If this game continued even one more round – I knew I would be doing things I probably shouldn't ever do.

But of course, that's assuming I haven't already…

* * *

Half an hour later, I was borderline wasted blood drunk. Some of was still contained, and the other half was just waiting for me to succumb to the will of my wild side – the one that had dominated ever since I had turned. We had played 5 rounds, and I felt lighter and lighter each round. Each round, I couldn't wait for the beginning, which was the drinking, or the end –dancing with Damon. The dances were tantalizing as the first dance was playful, the second dance was seductive as he took off his jacket and was left in his white collared shirt and black pants and he brought me in just a bit closer, and the third dance was playful again. The fourth dance, he brought my at least an inch closer to the second time, and I almost jumped him – but he said it was the next round again. I didn't know if I would last another playful dance, but enjoying his company seemed to make it a little more worth the wait.

As the fifth round dance began, Tongue Tied played and I laughed and Damon immediately put his hands on my waist and I found my comfortable position of putting my hands on his shoulders. We jumped and danced side to side for a while, and laughed as people pushed us, and just randomly we laughed. Maybe it was the blood? But it just seemed appropriate to either always be smiling and fun or extremely intense.

I think the song changed to Pump the Alarm as I let my head fall back as Damon swung me and had me dancing for a little bit. It was so relaxing, and exciting, and exhilarating, and freaking fantastic dancing with Damon after having all of this warm blood traverse me. It felt like such bliss to not feel so sad all the time! I absolutely loved it!

I started leaning in closer, unintentionally – but not really able to control all of my actions either. Damon only slightly responded by taking an extra slight step that resulted in having my legs parted by his knee. I laughed, as it would be a little difficult to continue dancing in this position – but not caring if we never parted again.

Quickly, he took the pressure of his fingers off my lower back and pushed me out when he grabbed my hands and spun me and turned me to have my back to his chest. I gasped, but did nothing but back into him. As the alarm in the song pounded, I moved against Damon freely and wildly – not nervously at all – because the blood had me crazy. And so did Damon, whether I liked it or not.

My head fell back on Damon's shoulder as I grinded into him and his lower half leaned into me. His hands fell down to under my skirt and started tracing the bottoms of them until he reached what seemed to be my underwear.

"Ah," I moaned loudly as I anticipated his arrival to my destination, with my eyes closed, I could practically see him grinning and I leaned back into him to bother him. He didn't take lightly to my revenge. He traced the side of my under and hooked his hands on it, and I almost grabbed his hands and guided him – but refrained – feeling almost compelled to not move, except for grinding into him. I left my eyes closed for most of the time. Until he stopped for a mere second, and if I almost cried.

"Round six." He whispered, and from one millisecond to the next – he was no longer behind me.

Oh my god – he really _would _kill me, wouldn't he?

* * *

Is it possible to have sex with all your clothes still on? Even when you haven't been touched?

Those were the questions that popped into my mind as I laughed.

Damon had his hands on my waist again and my arms were on his shoulders as I we danced and danced. We had gone through 9 rounds in about an hour and a half, and I was sure to pass out from one more round. But for some reason I never wanted to stop.

I was sweating heavily – but thankfully not disgustingly as Damon and I danced. Blood had fallen down my neck and stained my costume but it looked part of the costume so it didn't really matter. The corner of Damon's lips had blood stains on them too and I wanted to lick them off.

I don't know if it was 100% true to say that the blood was causing me to do rather inappropriate things with Damon – but they were definitely a factor.

Damon and I danced chest to chest, and we danced extremely close – and by extremely close I mean I was basically sitting on his lab and I was having mini spasms sporadically and his danced and robbed his knee against my now throbbing center. The happiness from before seemed to subside just a little as I could only focus on the sweat and blood that ran on Damon's neck – the neck I was finding myself drawn to now.

Damon grabbed my lower back forcefully when he pulled me in closer to him – as if it were possible. Whereas a breath could've been able to enter the tiny space between us, now nothing could enter the gap between us – because there was no gap.

Even as Damon and I grinded against each other – _more like dry-humped – _and as our stomachs did shift to dance, we somehow managed to continue touching at all times.

I lifted my head and saw that we were so close my head would hit his forehead. The couples surrounding us were grinding as well – seeing as how it was already later on in the party and people had made quick friends with drunken strangers.

_Your Body_ played by Christina Aguilera as we danced now. Damon lifted his leg all the way between my legs so it was basically possible for me to sit on his leg. I looked at him confused for a second, but letting him control my body entirely, so I sat on his leg slightly and he leaned back, and I fell back and let my head fall back as well. He leaned so far back that I felt his lips kiss the center between my boobs and I gasped as he quickly brought me up and turned me to have my back face his chest.

"Damon," I moaned as he started feeling up my legs again and pressing me against him.

Was it a problem that I was reacting like this? Yes right? Of course?

I didn't care.

I put my arms around his neck as I laid my head back on his shoulder and fell into the torturously comfortable position of grinding against Damon. It was torture because there was a part of me that just wanted to both show him what I was capable of and for him to show me what _he _was capable of – yet I knew there was a reason I shouldn't be doing this. A big one.

Just as I was about to remember the forbidden name, we became surrounded by the other grinding people and somehow I was pushed into Damon as Damon was pushed into me. I didn't mean for my fangs to pop out – but I guess it didn't only happen when I was hungry for blood – it was also for sexual hunger.

I heard Damon hiss, and as I continued my movements, I felt a kiss on my neck. I pushed down on Damon's neck in an encouraging manner.

_Why didn't we start doing this before? _I immediately thought.

It felt like delicious as Damon kissed my neck and nibbled slightly – sometimes accidentally biting, but I secretly preferred him biting me. I leaned into his lips as one hand held my stomach and the other hand felt up my leg and toyed with the lace of my underwear – it was too much. This emotion – I knew I wouldn't last.

I immediately turned around and pushed Damon against a wall and held him arm's length as I panted heavily and tried to figure what to say. He looked at me curiously, trying to understand what I wanted but he didn't. I realized that Damon's neck had blood on it and before I could process my actions I hissed and bit his neck.

It wasn't because I was hungry – because at this point I had such a pleasantly satiated feeling from no longer being desperate for blood. No, it was a different hunger. It was the hunger I had for that pleasure I only found with Damon's blood. Yes, human blood was the most delicious thing in mankind. But Damon's blood had something different – it wasn't blood I was drinking to eat. It was blood I was drinking to connect, to find pleasure, and to give pleasure.

I leaned into my leg in between Damon's and pressed into his hardness that I'm sure was painful at this point. He groaned.

"Elena," He whispered.

I continued to suck, not stopping for anything in the world, as my hands brought him closer to me. The part of him that could concentrate felt my legs – but one hand was dangerously treading the inside of my leg and reaching my underwear.

All of a sudden his eyes popped open and in less than a millisecond I was disconnected from his orgasmic blood and touches and pushed against I wall.

"My turn." Damon smirked in a whisper as he breathed against me.

I panted in surprise.

Damon didn't take too long to bite me– obviously he was drunk as I was and had no time for patience. He sunk his fangs into me and the feeling of being drunken from was-

Inexplicable?

Orgasmic?

Phenomenal?

Euphoric?

All of the above?

Damon leaned into me and finally placed his knee into a basic grinding place where I could feel some sort of relief.

I moaned and writhed under his touch and I could feel my breath not only quicken – but leave me. I was panting, and trying to breathe faster and faster but at the same time I could've cared less whether I breathed or not.

Damon's hands were officially hooking inside my underwear – easy the farthest we've ever gotten, and I let him. He's everywhere on top of me, yet I want him to touch me even _more_.

I start to feel a little weak as I can't control what's happening to me, and I feel Damon pulling back.

"Wha-why?" I start to breathe, almost incapable of talking.

He had taken almost too much, and I could tell. Yet, I didn't care. I just wanted _more _of that intoxicating Damon.

"You have to drink from me again, Elena." Damon panted. " I took too much."

I nodded, as I didn't mind this wonderful situation.

I drank from Damon and though it was delicious, I suddenly had a curiousity and need that this blood somehow couldn't fill. As Damon used both his hands to press me against him, I stopped drinking his blood for a minute and just started kissing his neck, sucking and nibbling as he had before.

"Elena." Damon whispered.

I grabbed his neck and sucked his neck and kissed harder, about to reach his jaw line when-

"Elena?" Bonnie yelled.

I didn't stop kissing Damon. I knew I should have. But I didn't.

Whoops.

* * *

**DID YOU LIKE IT? ME TOO. EXCEPT FOR BONNIE. JEEZUS. I HATE COCKBLOCKERS :(**

**REVIEWWWWW!**


	4. Chapter 4 - Can't Fight this Feeling

**I can't fight this feeling any longer.****  
**And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.  
**What started out as friendship,****  
Has grown stronger.**  
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever.  
**I said there is no reason for my fear.****  
Cause I feel so secure when we're together.****  
**You give my life direction,  
**You make everything so clear.**

**And even as I wander,****  
I'm keeping you in sight.****  
**You're a candle in the window,  
On a cold, dark winter's night.  
**And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.****  
**  
**And I can't fight this feeling anymore.****  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.**  
**It's time to bring this ship into the shore,****  
And throw away the oars, **_**forever.**_

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.  
**And if I have to crawl upon the floor,****  
Come crushing through your door,****  
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.**

**My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.****  
I've been running round in circles in my mind.****  
And it always seems that I'm following you**, boy,  
**Cause you take me to the places,****  
That alone I'd never find.**

_Can't Fight this Feeling Anymore_

_by REO Speed Wagon_

* * *

**I am taking this on a different direction that I originally planned - i wanted to make it more canon to what the TV show was going but honestly i can't handle all this depressing stuff Elena's about to go through so I'll just write about far more interesting scenarios ;) Muah haha. I hope you like it!**

* * *

"No." I moaned as I pushed Damon away from me, and started panting heavily against the wall as I saw Bonnie's eyes all but pop out of her head.

I wiped my mouth quickly as Bonnie's judging, shocked, and horrored face brought me back to reality and my heart started racing.

_Stefan. Shit. _

Bonnie turned around and left as if I had cheated on _her_ and I ran after her.

"Wait!" I yelled.

I ran without thinking of Damon's reaction to my sudden transformation in character – I didn't really care either.

"What the hell was that Elena?" Bonnie yelled as she turned to face me.

I felt like sobbing at that very moment. How was I supposed to explain myself?

"I know I was gone for a while but as far as I'm concerned you're still with Stefan, am I wrong?" Bonnie yelled.

"Bonnie-" I whispered, wanting her to cease with the yelling and for her to just _understand _ and to just give me a hug and to be able explain to me what the hell was wrong with me. She was _my _friend not Stefan's. "I can explain."

"Famous last words." Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Try explaining to me why you were on_ top_ of him." Bonnie whispered in a deathly tone.

"I don't what happened. It's the blood Bonnie, it makes me not see clearly or realize the consequences of _anything_." A tear slid down my cheek.

"Damon knew this would happen – he should've been more careful." Bonnie growled.

"I should've been in there with Stefan, _not _Damon." I walked past Bonnie and touched my lips as I remembered my actions. "Why did I agree with Damon?" A tear fell down my cheek as I recognized all of my actions were none of his fault – but Bonnie didn't have to know that.

"Because he made it seem right. He makes everything seem awesome and great. When in reality you're doing awful and hurtful things – he just doesn't care. Because Damon's a monster."

"I guess the road trips over then." I heard Damon say with no emotion. His words frightened me.

Of course he heard what I said earlier about not coming with him….

_But does it matter? It shouldn't. I meant what I said. I should've come with Stefan. This blood thing – it's not safe to be around Damon alone anymore. Not if I'm gonna keep feeling the way I did in there. _

_ "_What is your problem Damon? Why didn't you stop her?" Bonnie hissed.

"I was just letting her have fun." Damon rolled his eyes.

"You call that fun?" Bonnie yelled.

"Dancing and not regretting life every ten seconds? Yup fits my definition of fun." Damon smirked.

"_Your_ definition of fun?" Bonnie hissed.

Damon looked at her as if not understanding

"Is that what you want? For her to be just like _you_?" I heard Bonnie hiss as she walked over to an open shirt Damon with blood all over his neck – _blood I touched and tried. _I shuddered at the guilt of the memory.

"She already is like me." Damon hissed back.

Goosebumps rose on my body as he spoke – he knew. He knew I was just like him, just like my hallucinations. He knew it, and I knew it.

_Fuck. _

Damon walked past me and brushed against my arm, but the anger in his eyes made me feel so horrible I began to cry. Whatever was going on between Damon and I was getting worse daily – and we needed to talk about it to fix it, before something absolutely horrible happened.

* * *

The ride home wasn't long but it was extremely awkward.

I sat in the front the entire time but kept my head on the window as I felt like kicking Bonnie out of the car and forcing her to stay at the college so I could just apologize to Damon and figure out all the problems between us once and for all.

Damon walked me to the door when we finally got to my house.

"Well, here you are." Damon said as he turned around and tried to leave me on my porch.

"Damon, wait." I said, he slowly turned around to face me again.

"What?" He sighed.

"I'm sorry." I admitted. "Deep down, when it comes to the blood, I know you're right. But that scares me because-"I started, but realized the end of my sentence was a little bit too truthful and not helpful in any sort of apologetic way.

"You don't want to be anything like me." Damon finished my sentence.

I wanted to say no. I wanted to deny the claim – but I couldn't. Why lie? I always told Damon the truth – regardless of what I thought the outcome would be, regardless of _his _feelings. Why should I start caring about his feelings now?

Because it matters, because _he _matters. Because I've hurt him way too many times.

I opened my mouth to speak, hating that the long silence I left already probably admitted everything to him, when Stefan opened the door.

"Elena." Stefan said.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, bothered and nervous about his presence while I was around Damon.

"I was just talking to Jeremy about a few things."

"Oh," I whispered.

"Did you get any info. on the hunter guy?" Damon asked Stefan.

It made me nervous that Damon's question would no longer be relevant to our previous conversation and I would get no time to redeem myself.

"No." Stefan said sternly.

"Well, then today was just an all-around bust." Damon sighed as he turned around. "Night." Damon said to us before he walked down the steps of the porch.

I watched him walk away and I sighed.

"How was today?" Stefan walked toward me and asked.

"I learned how to feed without losing control." I tried to smile, but as I looked at Stefan's disappointed face – one of a sad sort of jealousy that he couldn't be the one to help me – I lied. "It was awful." I laughed and gave him a hug.

_It was awful?_

_What was? The part where you were on top of Damon? Because that wasn't._

_The part where you fed off of a bunch of delicious people – and didn't kill anyone? Because that wasn't._

_The part where you sort of cheated on Stefan? Maybe…_

"What did you talk to my brother about?" I asked as I walked inside, but Stefan walked outside my door.

"Nothing special." Stefan looked serious.

"Where are you going?" I asked as he stepped away.

"I'm heading home. Goodnight." Stefan smiled suspiciously kissed my forehead and walked away.

_That was strange_.

I walked inside and up the stairs – dreading any sort of explanations I would probably have to give Stefan.

_I could just _not _tell him. _

_Yeah, I'll not tell him. He's busy with other things-_

I reached my room and collapsed on my bed, trying my hardest to think of anything but the horribly pleasurable things I did with Damon because of the guilt that was eating me up inside.

But it wouldn't work. Every time I closed my eyes I saw his face. Every time I tried to shake it out of my mind, I remembered how awesome it felt when Damon was on top of me and touching me all over-

I would never sleep again.

* * *

My heart was racing and the anxiety only grew exponentially as I saw the first ray of sunlight hit my bed.

Sunlight. Oh God.

I was panting as I sat up – desperate for _something_. What? If I admitted it to anyone – including myself – I'd be terrified.

The thing is that _maybe _drinking from Damon again was a horrible idea – possibly the worst idea of my life.

Last night, I got one hour of sleep. One hour of complete bliss yet complete agony as I dreamed of a continuation of the dance party where things took a turn for the _worst_. Damon never stopped drinking from me and I never stopped drinking from Damon – and we ended up in some hotel room – and x led to y then z and I would have completely and entirely cheated on Stefan.

_Like I hadn't already. _

Thankfully that part was just a dream. But the entire night after waking up in pure lust and want, I laid down jittery and anxious – I was starving on top of everything and – _not_ for human blood. But for the same pleasure that Damon's blood brought me yesterday. The blood was ridiculously addicting and the feeling of euphoria and absolute bliss was not something I was happy to be away from. It was like – in sex terms – being left wanting. Not getting my fill – but 10x worse. Because you know you can get it – but you were interrupted. And the interruption in my case turned out to be one of the most lucky and saving, yet most miserable interruptions of my life. I wanted fucking more damn it!

_ I'm going crazy._ _I _have_ to be with Stefan. I can't be apart from him this long – if I'm apart from Stefan any longer I might find Damon again and _horrible wonderful _things might occur._

_ Damon_. I groaned as I thought of the sadness and anger on his face as I watched him walk away. _Would he be angry with me now?_

_Fuck._

Everything sucked this morning. My night had sucked, my once clean and faithful record had basically been tarnished with cheating now, my head pounded with all the memories of what Damon and I did last night and I couldn't help but feel awfully guilty, and I was extremely anxious and jumpy without Damon's blood in my system – it was _horrible_.

_Forget about it, Elena. Get your shit together. _

I got up quickly and got dressed, trying to ignore any more thoughts of Damon as I got ready to find Stefan.

To be honest, I was surprised he hadn't spent the night, or at least asked to spend a little time with me seeing as how I had barely been with him at all lately. But I shrugged his distance off as I knew he was busy trying to find a solution for the Hunter.

I found a messenger bag and placed it on my left shoulder after I got dressed and headed towards my door. As soon as I was about to open it though, someone surprised me.

"Where's Stefan?" Damon busted in.

"Good morning to you too, Damon." I sighed, a little bit hurt at his obnoxious arrival and cool demeanor.

"I've been calling him all morning, he hasn't answered me. Where is he?" Damon ignored me as he stood in the middle of my room and waited for my response.

"I haven't spoken to him this morning." I sighed as I crossed my arms. His mere presence immediately stopped my jitters and made my blood warm in anticipation.

Damon paused as he questioned the validity of my statement, but then started again.

"Give me your phone. Maybe he's just been dodging my calls." Damon held out his hand.

I rolled my eyes as I scavenged through my bag for my phone.

"Why would he be dodging your calls?" I wondered, still ruffling through my bag.

"I figured you went and told him about the dirty dancing, and bloodsharing stuff?" Damon rolled his eyes seriously, looking unhurt, but my cheeks blushed as his demeanor immediately shifted in victory. "Oh, you didn't tell him did you?" Damon's voice sang.

"No, Damon." I sighed as I finally found my phone and handed it to him. "I didn't tell him that I got high off of the blood like some crack head, dirty danced with you, then drank from you _again_. It was a mistake. Plus, he's got a whole lot of stuff on his hands; I don't want to add any more problems." It made me nervous to know that Damon was so close and his smell brought memories from last night that were just so freaking intoxicating-

"Oh, I get it. You're in a shame spiral." Damon smiled as he dialed Stefan's number.

"I am not in a shame spiral, Damon." I said lowly, upset at Damon's taunting and wanting not to argue with him at all.

I only wanted 1 of the two options I had presented. Either 1) he got the hell out of my room and left me to find Stefan myself and find out how to solve this whole blood addiction dilemma or 2) He succumb to my will as I would throw him on my bed and drink until oblivion. Really I was only going to be satisfied with one option – but I needed his presence to leave or stay. This in between was just down right killing me.

"Yes you are, you're in that whole regret cycle that's worse than a hangover, ugh," he groaned in disgust. "God." Damon rolled his eyes as he waited for Stefan to answer.

I sighed. As stubborn as I was, I ignored it as I realized that Damon needed to get the fuck out of my room before I lost my cool.

The phone went straight to Stefan's voicemail and Damon sighed.

"Well that's not good."

"Why? What did you need Stefan for?" I asked as Damon handed me back my phone,

"The hunter, he has some captives." Damon whispered.

"Define, captives _Damon_." I gritted my teeth.

"All we know right now is that he has Jeremy and-"

"What?" I yelled, panting. "But he was just home!"

"Someone got him at work, he's at the Grill." Damon walked closer to me and held my arms from a distance. "Stefan's been gone all morning and I needed to know where he was to help devise a plan." Damon's voice consoled me.

"We need to find the hunter, and kill him." I immediately growled, sick to my stomach that some super-human had my brother captive, and Matt.

"I know, Elena." Damon breathed closely to me as he put his hands on my arms and rubbed them.

Being close to Damon was the opposite of an intelligent idea. Especially because of the extremely inconvenient dreams from last night – and the daydreams I was having now as I stared at his neck as he tried to calm me. What I would give to just _bite _him even if it were just for a few seconds.

Damon's proximity was about to make me moan but I moved past him so I could take the breath I had been holding for the past five minutes and pretend to be afraid about my brother – when I really was, but hadn't really been paying attention to that problem.

_What the hell is wrong with you Elena? He's your brother. He's all you have left. _

"How can I help?" I looked at Damon as he stood in the same place as he was when he was comforting me.

"First, let's go to Alaric's. He's got some maps that would be helpful-" Damon looked unaffected by the tension I so obviously emitted, surely thinking it had to do with Jeremy.

"Let's go." I nodded and followed Damon out the door.

_Great. Goal number 1 was to stay the hell away from him and now he's all I got.….._

* * *

"How much longer is he going to take?" I groaned and rolled my eyes as I paced back and forth in the bedroom.

The edge I was currently on was worse than any sort of PMS seeing as how I was dying to save my brother, dying for Stefan to get his ass back at the apartment and dying to get the hell away from Damon or drink from him as fast as possible. It was killing me to want all these things at once and so fiercely. But I was. I so totally freaking was.

"I don't know but I swear if he takes five more minutes I'm going and saving their asses myself." Damon gritted his teeth as he got up from the bed he was sitting on and marched to a table – obviously as upset as I.

"You're not going by yourself." I immediately shot back. "I can help."

"Connor still thinks you're a human, Elena. Let's keep it that way." Damon squinted his eyes and smirked in a way that made me want to slap him.

"I'm going whether you like it not." I snapped back now walking towards him.

"He's dangerous, Elena!" Damon raised his voice. "He's highly trained and it's dangerous for you to be there."

"Stop trying to protect me Damon." I hissed as I walked over to his table.

Damon took to seconds to look at me, then ran at super speed to pick up a bow and arrow and point it at me.

"Think you can take him. Well it looks like you're too late because you weren't paying attention. Bang, you're dead." Damon breathed heavily.

My breath hitched at the fear of the situation ever actually arising. But then anger overcame me.

I ran quickly and took the gun from Damon as I pushed him back all the way on the bed and pointed the gun towards his chest and straddled him.

"Wrong. You would have shot me in the head, and everyone knows the only way to kill a vampire is through their heart." I whispered, more sensually than I would've liked and I smiled in pride as I breathed heavily on top of Damon.

Damon moved my hands towards the side of his chest where his heart would actually be.

"You know, for someone who doesn't want to be anything like me, you sure are good at it." Damon looked at me in admiration.

My breath hitched as he looked at me like that and I dropped the gun next to him.

_Fuck my life._

Damon was so close to me it hurt, and even though we weren't running – our breathing was still forced to pants as we realized the position we had put ourselves in – or _I _had put ourselves in. My fangs were threatening to pop out.

I couldn't stop staring at his throat. Succumbing to temptation with the utmost will power I let my hands go down to his neck and pet it slowly. Damon's eyes remained wide as I bit my lip hard.

It was rather unfortunate that I bit my lip so hard that it started bleeding and I couldn't help but taste the blood and automatically slide myself down Damon's body so that I was positioned perfectly on top of him to his neck.

"Damon," I whispered as he stood still and we both breathed faster than humanely possible.

"Don't, Elena." Damon whispered back – but didn't move.

"I don't want to," I whispered in his ear, dying to attack his neck again as I slid my hand greedily down his chest to his abs. "But I can't stop myself, from wanting it. I want you, Damon. Tell me _no, _Damon." I panted.

I could feel him harden under me immediately and I almost had an orgasm then and there.

"Elena, no." I heard Damon say as he closed his eyes and reacted opposite to his words.

"Why is this happening Damon?" I whispered. "All I can think about is _this_."

I let my eyes close as I let my tongue feel and find the appropriate spot on his neck to bite. Slowly I slipped the hand that wasn't clutched to Damon's bicep, to his back to pull him into me. I hissed as my fangs popped out and I almost pierced into Damon's neck.

"Hello?" I heard Stefan say before he walked into the apartment.

Faster than the human eye could blink was I standing outside the room and giving Stefan a hug sweetly as he entered the apartment.

"Stefan." I breathed heavily with a sad smile as I gave him a sweet hug.

"I have somewhat good news." Stefan smiled back with tired eyes.

"Well, it better be fucking fantastic, _brother_." I heard Damon growl as he walked out to the small hallway we stood in.

Damon tried not to look at me, but the look he gave me for point two seconds made me want to kick Stefan out of the apartment and ravage Damon and his neck on the bed.

"Elena," Stefan took my hands in his and looked at me seriously. I almost backed away. "I need you to trust me on something." He started.

As he stared into my eyes rather uncomfortably I bit my lip and felt the blood that was left over from my previous encounter with Damon.

Being with Stefan and Damon _at the same time_ was going to be next to impossible.

FUCK. ME.

* * *

"Thank you for meeting me here." I whispered to Damon in the guest room of my house as I heard everyone outside chattering away – distracted.

"Anything for _you_, Elena." Damon smirked, being sarcastic and sincere at the same irritating time as he took a sip of his bourbon.

I rolled my eyes as I paced back and forth in the room, similar to how I had earlier. How was I supposed to present this to him? Was this a dumb idea?

_Too fucking late Gilbert. You've already got him here. If it was a bad idea you should've thought of that earlier. _

I was in this room with Damon, because even though we were having a sort of party with everyone – everyone meaning Damon, Bonnie, Jeremy, Matt, April, Stefan, Caroline, some girl named Haley, Tyler, and a few random hybrids that were Tyler's friends, celebrating getting Jeremy, April, and Matt back and the death of the hunter – Caroline had killed him after Stefan distracted him _somehow. _

"I have a problem." I whispered.

"But we already saved Jeremy." Damon whined and sighed – obviously tired of all of these _problems_.

"That's not what I'm talking about." I said lowly. Afraid of all the beings that could hear us.

"I know." Damon closed his eyes and sighed. "It's the blood sharing." Damon opened his eyes and looked worried and agitated. "I feel it too." His low voice admitted.

"It is?" I asked, in absolute shock and somewhat embarrassment. If it was happening to Damon, why was he not _reacting _like I was?

"What do we do?" I whispered.

"We have to stay away from each other, Elena. Like this encounter – this is _not _okay." Damon started to walk past me towards the door.

"Wait." I grabbed his shoulder. "Avoiding this isn't going to help Damon. At all. It's killing me, if there was any other way fine, but there _isn't_-"

"What do you suggest, Elena?" Damon looked incredulous. "You actually want to-" Damon didn't continue his sentence as he understood what I was thinking.

"This is absolutely crazy." Damon muttered angrily as he walked away from the door and far away from me.

"I know Damon, but what I'm feeling when I'm not-" _drinking from you_, I didn't say. "is crazy and killing me too." I walked towards him predatorily, and prayed to God he wouldn't fight me anymore.

"I won't even take a lot. I'll just take enough to make the pain go _away_." I whispered as I slowly inched towards him and grabbed his arm and slowly made him back up against the wall.

"Elena." Damon growled still unsure but not totally against the idea. "This could be very dangerous."

"I don't care." I whispered as I went on my tippy-toes and began licking his throat. "I just want a little bit. Just a little tiny bit. A little bit couldn't hurt anyone right?" I whispered as I began sucking on his throat.

"I thought you said it wasn't right." Damon breathed.

"I can't fight it anymore Damon. Don't you start fighting it _now_." I whispered trying to make Damon feel more comfortable, but he was still sort of stiff. "I need _you_, Damon." I admitted and licked his ear as I pulled him so close my boobs were entirely squished against him.

Damon groaned and I took his moans for acceptance as my fangs went out and pierced his throat.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

This was fucking fantastic. Delicious. Euphoric. Orgasmic.

"God," I moaned loudly.

It was quite inconvenient that I was almost an entire head smaller than Damon so I couldn't reach as well as I liked. So I did what any woman would have done.

I jumped on Damon and linked my arms around Damon. Damon could barely perceive what was going on but he was understanding enough to catch me and grab my waist/hips/ass and hold me up and against him.

"Elena," Damon moaned.

I wanted more and more and more and more and more.

This was too good for words. It was like being filled with orgasms and chocolate cake and cookie dough and sex all at the same time. It was happiness in an actual liquid form and I never wanted to let go. Especially as Damon provocatively pushed my core against his hardness.

"Damon." I growled and for a second I had to let go as I almost orgasmed just from his pushing against me.

"My turn," he growled back.

"What?" I yelled. "It wasn't enough." I shook my head in a betrayed and pissed off voice.

Damon ignored me as he turned us around and pushed me into the wall roughly and bit my neck anyway.

I moaned loudly as Damon leaned into me and sucked out of me. It was this perfect moment when I was confused whether I loved drinking from Damon more than I loved giving my blood to Damon. It was entirely too difficult a choice I realized as Damon pushed his rock hardness against my dripping wet core repeatedly and hit my against the wall as if we were having sex.

"God, Elena." Damon moaned I could hear his teeth find it difficult to say anything as he had blood between his lips.

"Elena!" We both heard Caroline yell for me, from outside the room.

"It's not enough." I whined, in a panicked tone.

"Later, your room. Midnight." Damon panted. "Run to the bathroom, now." Damon dropped me and I ran quickly to the bathroom and started cleaning my face. Damon followed me in and closed the bathroom door - I looked at him strangely. He put his finger over his most delectable lips and I almost turned around and pinned him to the door.

"Elena?" Caroline said opening the door to the room we had just been in.

Damon pushed me out of the view of the mirror and I stayed put as he opened the door and walked out.

"What are you doing in here?" Caroline asked suspiciously.

"I had to go to the bathroom, what are _you_ the bathroom cop?" I could practically see Damon smirking. I scoffed.

"God Damon, were you born a deuschbag?" Caroline rolled her eyes.

I could hear them walking out of the room.

"Nope, years of practice." He finally said before they exited the room.

I laughed and rolled my eyes at Damon's silly attitude and began to wipe my mouth and neck as quickly as possible.

I had taken more from Damon so I had more blood all over me.

_Oh god_.

The guilt came as soon as I realized what just happened.

I had just done the unimaginable. I just blood-shared with Damon for the fucking 3rd time.

Why?

Why had I let things escalate? Why did I ask him to come here?

_Because you wanted his fucking blood damn it, and it was driving you insane not having it._

Oh my god. I'm going to hell.

_Hey, if Damon's blood's there then you can go wherever you want-_

What am I saying….?

_Don't freak out. It's just blood-sharing. You just need to get it out of your system and you'll be fine. _I told myself.

My heart beat extremely fast as I remembered that Damon was coming to my room tonight. At midnight. Desire overcame me all over again and I couldn't wait to have him all over me again.

I quickly walked out of the bathroom and the room after I cleaned myself up and Stefan found me.

"Hey, how are you?" Stefan smiled as he hugged me.

Was it absolutely horrible that I wanted him off of me faster than I could say get off?

"Good," I smiled uncomfortable in his embrace. "Thank you so much for rescuing Jeremy." I said sweetly trying to relax in his embrace. _He doesn't deserve what I'm doing to him. He deserves me entirely committed and loving and- _

"I'd do anything for you." Stefan whispered back.

_No. Why are you telling me this..?_

"What do you say I take you out tonight. A little hunting?" Stefan smiled, trying to make me happy. "A night just to forget everything, it'd just be _us_." Stefan stepped back and held my hands in his.

As Stefan asked me this, my eyes not only popped out of my head but looked at Damon who was talking to a hybrid but staring at me indefinitely waiting for my answer.

_What am I gonna do?_

* * *

**_Did you like it? Did you hate it? READ AND REVIEWWWWW3_**

**_*Spoiler: __Major addiction is coming for Elena and Damon ahead. It's gonna be freaking fun Damn it :D *_**


	5. Chapter 5 - Madness

Sorry this chapter might be awful - i was exhausted but really wanted to post something... :D

* * *

Madness

**"Madness" Part 1**

I, I can't get these memories out of my mind,  
And some kind of madness has started to evolve.  
(Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma...)  
I, I tried so hard to let you go,  
But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole, yeah  
(Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma...)

I have finally seen the light,  
And I have finally realized,  
What you mean.  
Ooh oh oh

And now, I need to know is this real love,  
Or is it just madness keeping us afloat?  
(Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma...)  
And when I look back at all the crazy fights we had,  
Like some kind of madness  
Was taking control  
(Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma...)  
Yeah

* * *

"Damon." I moaned. "Don't stop." I writhed underneath him.

"Never." He panted. I let my eyes roll to the back of my head as I felt the pure ecstasy from being fed on unravel within me.

How was I even considering denying Damon, or myself, of this most wonderful pleasure? Never. I'd never be able to deny him again. I was addicted – there was no avoiding that now.

As Damon put his hands around my waist and pulled my closer to him I moaned. We were laying down on my bed – he was on top of me, drinking from my neck, pleasuring my and torturing me all at the same time.

Damon's leg was right in between my thighs so his upper thigh was pressed right against my center. It was horrible being torn from the passionate pleasure of being fed from and the carnal pleasure of something more – it was so tempting, just having _both_. But that wouldn't be appropriate.

_And this was? _I thought.

_I don't really care. _I ultimately decided with a moan.

Damon never stood still as he drank from me. We'd been feeding from each other for what could've been four hours or even four days, but all I knew was that exhaustion had yet to reach us. Not once was I capable of contemplating the idea of sleep. Not when I was feeling so _god _there's no words for it. All I knew was that I wanted more from Damon if it was possible and that I never wanted to stop. _Never_.

As Damon drank from me I felt hotter than a flame. He sucked from me noisily and as he gulped I moaned – I tried not to, but with no avail. On top of that the actual act of being fed from and giving Damon parts of myself while he was _on top of me_ was unexplicably pleasurable. _On top of that_, Damon was kneeing me in my dripping core. I was literally dying.

I moved the hand that Damon wasn't suffocating down to Damon's belt and slowly moved my hand to his waist to push him down on my more – so he would finally put pressure on the places that I needed, so I could _feel_ pleasure in more ways than one.

Damon seemed to notice and agree with what I was doing because he grabbed my hips forcefully and put his knee right on my clit and moved up and down as he continued to drink from me. I tried to follow his thursts _dying _for some sort of sexual release to ignore the distraction it was causing me from feeling utter pleasure from just being fed from.

"Aa-h," I moaned, I could feel Damon's breath hitch too – we were both dry-humping each other and close to feeling _something. _

Damon's hands adventuresly grabbed my waist and slowly slid his hand up my ribcage and touched the edge of my bra. His hand was about to slide up, I could see it inching forward as my nipples ached in anticipation and his breathing sped up even faster, but someone stopped him.

"Elena." Jeremy called.

"Shit," I whispered out of frustration.

Damon didn't get off of me.

I heard Jeremy's footsteps walking up the stairs – he wasn't close to my room yet but he wasn't far either.

Damon reluctantly lifted his head from my neck and growled. I moaned as his legs squeezed around my thigh and he held me tighter. Damon rolled off for a second and grabbed my hand quickly as he led me to my closet and shut the closet door.

"Elena!" Jeremy yelled again – now he was right next to my door.

He did not let up! But thankfully neither did Damon.

"Jeremy!" I yelled out as Damon backed me up against the closet door.

"Where are you?" Jeremy said as he was already in my room.

"I-I'm" I stuttered, unable to properly respond as Damon sucked on my neck ignoring the situation and did _things _to my body. "changing." My voice went up and down but I prayed to god it was sufficient. I had to bight my lip so that I wouldn't moan and make my actions known.

Damon's hands started playing with the edge of my tank top and as his hand slipped into my shirt he brought his knee close so that his upper thigh was finally pressing against my tortured core.

"Don't stop." I whispered lowly in Damon's ear as I let my hands force him closer to me and pressed my aching breasts against him.

"Um, okay. I just wanted to let you know I'm headed for school." I could hear Jeremy backing away from my room and walking towards the stairs.

"Oh," I breathed.

Damon kept sucking on me and let his fangs sink deeper and deeper and I felt myself falling into oblivion. Only to be brought back to reality as Damon started to beg illicit responses from me.

Damon's hands went to my stomach and rubbed upp and down and up and down but they would stop from their barrier of my bra to my underwear. He was torturing me. His knee was continuously rubbing against me and I was shuddering underneath him. It was so uncomfortable to be teased for hours, and there was that thing that Jeremy mentioned – what was that? Didn't I have to go to?

"Damon." I moaned somehow remembering something.

"hm?" he moaned back, not lifting his fangs from my throat.

"School." Was all I could spit out.

"hm?" he asked again, but the devil did not stop there – he knew exactly what to do next.

His hand finally went all the way, slowly, but finally it reached my breast.

"I-I" I tried to say.

Damon's hand fully grabbed my breast and squeezed it. I almost gasped.

I noticed that Damon's knee – the one in between my legs, was notonly pressed against my core, but his upper thigh was actually rubbing circles against my clit at the same time as he grabbed my boob.

"Ah!" I almost yelled.

I've had sex before, if you can compare what Damon's interpretation of sex was and my interpretation. It was nice, it was sweet and so overwhelmingly loving that it was amazing.

This euphoric feeling was not that – this was _so much more_. This waspleasure beyond my wildest dreams. So amazing – so delicious – that I wanted everything sensation that was possible to feel now and badly. It was awful. Damon was awful. He was loving, adoring, a sex god, and god I wanted him now more than ever.

"What did you say?" Damon's voice purred as he stopped drinking for a second and instead kissed my neck. It felt wonderful, his kisses – it was sweet yet seductive. I got goose bumps as he continued to make out with my neck, squeezed my boob, and rubbed against my clit.

I moaned, just wanting him to never stop. Unfortunately, Damon slipped his hand down and my disappointed self took this moment to push him away from me.

I held him at arm's length as we breathed and panted heavily. He looked at me strangely, and I understood because my neck felt strange not having his mouth all over it – it had been there all night after all.

"My turn." I breathed with a grin as I opened the closet door and pushed Damon back until he hit the bed and fell on top of it. I sat on top of him at first. He looked at me in awe as I laid on him, Slowly I slid down his body and lowered my head to bite his neck. I moaned again – it was getting embarrassing really – but I couldn't help it. He was so goddamn delicious. I was getting lost in him.

A half an hour later, I stopped drinking from him as if he was the last man I'd ever see again, and took my time to enjoy the position we were in to torture him as he tortured me.

So I let my hands slide down his perfect abs at the same times as my knee that was comfortably lifting itself just touch him right under his dick. My legs were on both sides of his left leg and squeezed whenever I needed relief from brushing against him for so long. I dragged my hand down his abs again, but this time I laid them right on top of his belt and slid them over his boxer line again and again.

"God, Elena." Damon moaned.

I giggled, but it was only a short victory because I was feeling just as affected as he was. God how did he do it?

* * *

After about an hour of me laying on him and feeding from him, I felt so comfortable with being on top of him, we might as well have been one person. Drinking from him was continuously excellent. After hours of drinking though, I wanted to try something different.

I lifted my fangs from his neck and began kissing his neck. I could tell by his breath that was confused as I kissed up his neck, continuing the path of the dance the other day, but finally getting to the goal.

Damon looked down at me as he let me kiss him. He immediately responded aggressively by turning us around and pressing himself on top of me. He snuck his hand under my shirt and squeezed my stomach to press more against him. He let his erection press against me and I let my legs fall open so that he'd fit comfortably between them. As Damon took control of the kissing I found myself even more out of breath than before. It was like this in Denver – but exponentially more amazing because of the blood sharing – and because I'm a vampire now and sexual pleasure was infinitely better now than ever. Damon stopped kissing my lips as he sucked down my body and reached down to my breast. I hadn't noticed it but I was pressing my heel into his butt as I tried to push him into my core. I wanted him so badly.

"God, Elena." Damon groaned as he finally hit my breasts. I let my head fall back as he reached my breast. But I knew this was wrong.

"No, Damon." I shook my head and somehow found the discipline to push him away and get up from underneath.

He stood up in less than a millisecond as he straightened his shirt up and moved his neck around.

"I was wondering how long you'd last." Damon smirked.

I wanted to punch him. Why was he so okay with all of this?

"We can't let that happen next time." I ignored him as I tried to pull down my tank top. I was in a lose-lose situation though. I was wearing a tank top and my shortest pajama shorts on purpose.

I knew last night my decision about a half an hour after dancing peacefully with Stefan. I love Stefan, and I don't want him to doubt me. It's just this blood lust is overwhelming me. But I'll get over it. After _some_ practice. Or maybe a lot of it. A lot with Damon.

"Next time?" Damon's eyebrow went up and looked at me suspiciously.

I sighed in frustration. He was not going to make this less awkward for me. No freaking way, of course not, that just wasn't Damon's style.

"You know what I mean." I rolled my eyes in a hiss.

"No I'm not sure I do." Damon whispered as he walked over to me calmly – yet looking just like a predator.

I stepped back.

"Do you think we'll do this again?" Damon whispered as his face was only a few millimeters away from mine.

"I-I" I stuttered, unable to say anything as his intoxicating smell invaded my nose. "Of course." I finally muttered.

"We won't." Damon huffed and I fell back, but he turned around thankfully and didn't catch it.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly panicking.

"I mean I'm done, Elena. Find another pet. Or better yet, try Stefan. I'm no longer interested in this game." Damon rolled his eyes.

"You're joking." I said incredulously and nervous.

"I'm dead serious, Elena. It was _fun _though." He grinned, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Bye." He waved and walked away.

"Damon!" I yelled, but he closed the door in my face.

This was going to be impossible.

How was I supposed to work this way? Was this just a defense mechanism? Was he doing this to hurt me? Was he worried about my reaction and that's why he wanted to be cruel?

I ran to the bathroom and turned on the shower as tears overwhelmed and I couldn't stand to hold them in – in embarrassment. Why did this hurt me so much?

Because I care about him. And it hurts me to hurt him. _Especially _after being able to understand all the vulnerable aspects of him from the blood sharing.

I tried to think of _anything _else besides Damon as I closed my eyes and quickly unchanged to get under the hot water of the shower – it didn't work.

* * *

"Elena!" A loud voice yelled.

"Elena!" Another voice crushed my sleep.

I groaned. What do _they _want?

"Coming!" I yelled as I rolled out of bed and walked down the stairs.

When I reached the stairs I heard Bonnie and Caroline whispering to each other behind the door and bickering. I sighed – they're totally going to comment about my horrible behavior lately.

"Hi." I groaned with a wave as I rubbed my tired eyes.

"Were you _sleeping_?" Bonnie whispered suspiciously as she walked in with Caroline.

"Maybe." I sighed as I closed the door after they both walked in.

"Oh," Caroline giggled. "Did someone have a _rough _night?" Caroline grinned. "I remember when Tyler and I started going out that we were inseparable – it was like we were on top of each other all thetime oh my god – how is it with Stefan. Isn't is so much better than as a human?" Caroline rambled.

"Caroline!" Bonnie yelled – shocked.

My face turned beet red as I turned away from her.

"What? You know you were thinking it." Caroline smiled. "Don't be shy, Elena! Dish!"

"Caroline," I whispered lowly. "Stefan and I, we have-haven't-" I swallowed as I tripped over my words.

I looked up at Caroline hoping she would grant me mercy by understanding – she looked oblivious. I was going to have to explain it god damn it.

"We haven't had _sex _yet." I whispered lowly.

"What!" Caroline shouted.

"What?" Bonnie said.

I looked at them in shock – what had I disappointed them?

"What have you been doing all this time?" Bonnie looked at me strangely – _what the literal fuck, why was she even opening her mouth – she has no right to judge._

"Seriously. Don't you get _urges _or something? I mean the blood lust and lust is insane – how do you and Stefan keep your hands off of each other?"

_Maybe_ b_ecause when I'm close to Stefan I see Damon? Because I'm keeping myself otherwise occupied…?_

"Unless you're fulfilling your needs with someone else…?" Bonnie words ran off.

"No!" I yelled in shock and awe at Bonnie's perceptiveness. "What is it with you guys? You two are like the Spanish inquisition. DO you need something or did you come here just to harass me?" I barked.

"Someone's sensitive." Caroline whispered.

I rolled my eyes.

"I was having a party at my house at 10 tonight. I was wondering if you wanted to come." Caroline whispered like a hurt puppy.

"Party!" My eyes immediately widened. "Wait it's night time already?"

Bonnie and Caroline laughed.

"You really are out of it, aren't you?" They asked me. I ignored them as I thought of more important things.

_If Damon goes then I can apologize to him and then he'll share blood with me again…._

My insides fluttered.

"Who's going?" I said non-chalantly.

"The regular Scooby gang. Jeremy, Tyler, Matt, Stefan." Caroline replied.

_And Damon?_

"Why was there someone in particular you were looking for?" Caroline followed my train of thought as my face made it obvious I was disappointed.

"No – just wanted to make sure Stefan was going." I nodded smugly.

"Okay, well hurry up and get ready – I have to start setting up." Caroline giggled.

I ran to my room.

I made sure to scavenge my room for my most fitting clothes – because getting Damon back to my plan was going to be _so _much easier if I seduced him.

* * *

"I thought you said it was just the Scooby Gang." I yelled and laughed as 20 more kids poured into Caroline's packed room.

"Eh, and a few other guests too I guess!" Caroline laughed back as she took another sip out of her red solo cup.

I wondered off. I had been ignoring Stefan – I didn't want to see him tonight. It made me feel dirty when I was dressed to impress _his _brother. I loved Stefan – but I wanted Damon. _Does that make any sense? _Probably not but it was how I felt.

Meanwhile my preferred Salvatore brother had not shown his face this whole night and I felt not only disheartened, but jealous. I was raging with jealousy. It didn't matter to me whether he was off with a glass of whiskey, a blonde bimbo, or drinking from a blood bag – he wasn't with _me_ and I was jealous.

There was a dance party in front of the house and it seemed lively. At some point in time – a DJ started playing awesome house music and I laughed as I watched them dance. But as I got bored of waiting for Damon I ran to the crowd and started dancing with everyone.

_There was a time I used to look into my father's eyes _

_in a happy home I was a king I had a gold throne._

_ Those days are gone_

_Now the memories on the wall _

_Upon a hill across the blue lake_

_That's where I had my first heartbreak_

_I still remember how it all changed. _

_My father said Don't you worry, don't you worry child…_

I jumped and let my head fall back as everyone danced along with us. I felt free, but I admit it would've been funner if Damon had been here with me.

I tried to shake the thought out of my head as I continued to dance. After a while, the thought of Damon consumed me.

_What if he's still upset with me? What if I can't convince him to change his mind?_

A couple of songs passed when someone put their arms around me. With my eyes closed and my thought revolving around Damon – I was a hundred percent sure it was him. Which made me lean into him as he grabbed me from behind and started kissing my neck. I got goose bumps as I turned around and tried to kiss him back – on the lips.

But those weren't Damon's lips. They were Stefan's.

I tried with all my mind to ignore the thought of Damon as I kissed Stefan. My heart warmed as I realized that I did love Stefan with all my heart – it was just I was going thorugh this confusing situation where I _loved _kissing Damon more than Stefan.

I backed away from Stefan as a blood lust overcame me. I panted.

"Are you okay?" Stefan looked amused as his cheeks were flushed and he grinned like a school boy.

"Yeah," I nodded warmly. "I'm just gonna go get a drink." I grinned.

I hope he didn't realize I was running to the bar.

"Enjoying yourself?" I heard someone say as they walked closer to me.

I looked up as Damon walked over to me. I almost gasped as I took a look. Why had it not occurred to me how devilishly attractive he was? Why did I feel so drawn to his every single feature.

His piercing blue eyes were mesmerizing me as he walked closer to me.

"Not really." I bit my lip coyly.

"Why not?" He pouted flirtatiously, but not overly so.

"It's not as fun without my dancing partner." I smiled coquettishly.

Damon's eyes and mere presence were making me feel tense, excited, and sexual charged all at the same time. In my head the atmosphere around us changed. My words made things more serious and not as fun.

I tried to ignore my feelings, but then I masochistically at his neck and almost groaned.

In my head no one else existed besides us. This situation was uncomfortable with need and want. I wanted him. I wanted him now.

"I think you should find Stefan." Damon said more seriously as he poured himself some whiskey, but there was still a hint of a playful smile on the corner of his lips. "Have fun, Elena." He raised his glass, smirked, and started to walk away.

As Damon walked quickly away, I ran to him and reached for his shoulder. When he turned his playful smile was gone, and now all that was left was his serious, tense, and nervous demeanor with a clenched jaw.

"Don't you feel it too?" I said lowly as I grabbed him and pushed him closer to me. "That _draw_, that _need_," I swallowed and then stepped so closely to him we were within kissing distance. "that _want_." I whispered as I looked at his neck.

"Elena, we can't-"Damon tried to say, but as he swallowed I knew he was just trying to hold himself back from what he really wanted.

"Damon, it'd just be a little bit. _Please_," I paused after whispering in his ear. "Just enough to make the pain go away again. I need you, Damon _Please." _I begged again.

Damon grabbed my hand roughly and ran as he led me to a room.

He didn't bother turning on the lights as he threw me into the room and onto the bed. I gasped once I bounced back from the push and saw Damon look at me predatorily. I leaned on my elbows in anticipation and excitement as Damon slowly leaned over my body. He was leaning over my body at an agonizingly slow pace, and I felt almost a thousand breaths reach my neck before he sucked on my neck and then finally pierced his fangs into me.

"God, Damon." I moaned.

I felt lost in the sensations as Damon finally drank from me and felt happy as he made sure to close any gap between our bodies. Damon's hand was fiddling with the edges of my skirt and with my leg as he pulled it around his waist and made me moan multiple times.

"Enough!" He growled as he stopped feeding from me and stopped our intimate contact by laying beside me. "Take what you need and then we finish this – got it?" Damon barked.

I walked over on top of him sadly, feeling as if I had failed him. I felt sad for only a small while though as I reached over and bit his neck like I had wanted to for what seemed like an eternity – even though it was only a couple of hours. I wanted to pleasure Damon so he wouldn't be so angry with me. So I slowly straddled him and would _accidently_ let me hand reach his rising member and press on it.

"_Elena,_" Damon breathed.

I lifted myself up from him and wiped my mouth – now I straddled him and he looked confused. He sat up, with my still on his lap and pulled my hips closer to him – as if sitting on his erection wasn't enough. I understood it because I felt the same way.

"You wanted us to stop." I panted. "But I never want us to stop." I admitted and as if he agreed he bit into me again and I yelled out. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pressed into him continuously as I felt small orgasms trying to surface.

"What the hell?" I heard someone bang through the door and yell.

I didn't want to pull away – but a voice in my head forced me to.

But the voice who called me from the door was my worst nightmare.

"Caroline." Damon breathed - he didn't let go of me though.

The worst part was – neither did I.

* * *

did you like it? I know it seems OOC but you know what? I have a real story plot planned out - separate from the tv show - and i hope you all eventually like it :D

**NOW BE KIND AND REVIEW :D**


	6. Chapter 6 - No Light, no Light

i'M SORRY!

THIS IS GOING TO BE AN INTERESTING ROAD AHEAD.

DON'T HATE ME ;)

I UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHY ELENA'S ACTING THIS WAY - BUT SHE IS. I'M SORRY. THIS WORKS OUT IN THE LONG RUN.

* * *

No Light

You are the hole in my head  
You are the space in my bed  
You are the silence in between what I thought  
And what I said

You are the night time fear  
You are the morning when it's clear  
When it's over you'll start  
**You're my head  
You're my heart**

**No light, no light in your bright blue eyes  
I never knew daylight could be so violent**  
A revelation in the light of day  
**You can't choose what stays and what fades away**

**And I'd do anything to make you stay  
No light, no light  
**No light  
**Tell me what you want me to say**

Through the crowd, I was crying out  
**And in your place there were a thousand other faces  
I was disappearing in plain sight  
Heaven help me, I need to make it right  
**  
**You want a revelation,  
You wanna get it right  
**But, it's a conversation,  
_**I just can't have tonight  
You want a revelation**_**  
Some kind of resolution  
You want a revelation  
**  
**No light, no light in your bright blue eyes  
I never knew daylight could be so violent**  
**A revelation in the light of day,**  
**You can't choose what stays and what fades away  
**  
**Would you leave me,  
If I told you what I've done?  
And would you need me,  
If I told you what I've become?**  
'cause it's so easy,  
To say it to a crowd  
But **it's so hard, my love,  
To say it to you out loud  
**  
**You want a revelation,  
**You wanna get it right  
But, **it's a conversation,  
I just can't have tonight  
**You want a revelation, some kind of resolution  
**Tell me what you want me to say.  
**

* * *

"You tell no one." I growled as I grabbed Caroline's wrists and pushed her out of the room into the bathroom across the hall.

"What the hell, Elena!" Caroline snatched her wrist from my strong hold and rubbed it. "Why are you doing this?" She yelled at me.

I paced the small bathroom trying to find excuses that would justify my actions – it as becoming increasingly difficult to think of a good enough lie.

"What I do and don't do are none of your concern." I growled, decided against lies and instead choosing truthful and harsh words to turn her away from me.

"What?" Caroline yelled at me.

"What goes on between me and Damon," I paused, realizing how severe my words were going to sound and affect me. "Is none of your concern."

"To hell it isn't!" She yelled. "Why are you doing this Elena?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you." I rolled my eyes, my mind thinking of a thousand different ways to make Caroline not tell Stefan.

"You know what Elena, if after 17 years of friendship you don't think we owe each other honesty, then fine. But you know who you do have to explain yourself to? Stefan." Caroline growled and reached for the door handle.

"You're not going to tell Stefan." I grabbed her arm so hard I might as well have been pinching her.

"Really?" Caroline looked at me dubiously.

"No," I paused, breathing heavily in fear. "Because if you do, then you'll break his heart. You'll split us up for no reason – it's just a little misunderstanding." I lied.

"_A little misunderstanding?_" Caroline narrowed her eyes and looked at me as if I were crazy. "Are you insane? You were on top of him Elena! God, you disgust me. You still can't even admit it, Elena and you're going to hurt people if you continue this way!" Caroline shook her head and I cold see tears glistening in her eyes.

"Tell him if you want Caroline, but you'll break his heart for no reason." I pursed my lips and challenged her.

"I won't tell him, Elena. Because Stefan doesn't deserve that. But when you're off rendezvousing with Damon – I'll be there for Stefan. I won't let him mourn your random absences like he has been."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I laughed at Caroline's threat.

"It means, don't expect Stefan to wait around for you to stop your little obsession with Damon forever. Other things and other _people_ will be there for him." She narrowed her eyes at me and walked away.

_Did I just lose Caroline – my life-long friend? _

The thought made me feel ill as I walked out of the bathroom.

I saw Damon look both ways carefully as he tried to inconspicuously leave the room. I caught him just before leaving.

"Damon." I whispered, pushing him right back into the room he tried to leave.

"What?" I heard Damon growl, obviously not in the mood to return to where we were previously.

"We have to talk. But first," I pushed him, breathed heavily, and started pacing the room. "Please just give me five seconds"

"I take it things didn't go well with Barbie?" Damon said seriously, though his words seemed playful.

"She hates me." I laughed, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling at my heart.

"She doesn't hate you." Damon put his hand on my shoulder.

We stood facing each other, and though I still wanted nothing more than to jump his bones, there was something in my heart that felt scared and blissful that Damon was still there for me when everyone wasn't.

"She does though." I smiled, trying to blink away the tears that were threatening over the surface of my eyes.

Damon sighed. "This is bound to happen, Elena. What we're doing-" Damon let the word remain unsaid because what we were doing was so awful in reality, saying it made it true. "It's not right. Not right now." Damon started walking towards the door. "You should find Stefan. We can forget everything that's happened here. I'd have no problem-"

"Stop." I grabbed his shoulder and held him back as I slid in front of him and pushed my back against the door. "You can't go."

"Elena. It's for the best. Can't you see that?" Damon's eyes looked furious now – which sort of scared me because his mood seemed easy to persuade before and now it seemed like an uphill battle to ask him to stay with me forever without any commitment from my part. "God, just let it go, Elena! You don't want to choose me, and I'm giving you the way out. Right here, right now, I'm letting you go. You won't have to lose any more friends, and you won't have to lose Stefan and-"

"But I'll lose you." A tear slid down my cheek. "I ca-can't lose you, Damon." I shook my head, and tried to look anywhere but at his face at the embarrassment of my tears.

"You can't have us both Elena! You made your choice. If you care for me at all you'll let me go." Damon yelled.

"Do you really want me to go?" I cried as I ran extremely quickly and put my hands on his face and brought him extremely close to me. "You don't mind if you lose me forever?" I cried, and before he could open his mouth, out of fear and anxiety, and kissed him quickly and desperately.

At first I noticed his struggle. He tried to fight me, but I wouldn't let go of him. Finally he stopped struggling and dominated my mouth with his tongue as he responded to my kiss like any other guy would've.

He kept pushing me back until we hit the wall. My hands were all over his body and his lips were all frantically meeting every one of my kisses. I was terrified during the kiss. Because as much as I enjoyed it, I couldn't help but feel that this would be one of our final kisses.

Damon stopped kissing my lips and started kissing my neck as I pulled his head closer and closer to me.

"You," I panted as he almost reached my nipple. "You can't let me go any more than I can." I whispered.

I regretted my words.

Damon growled and pushed away from me faster than I could blink.

"No, Elena. I won't do this. Not to me and not to you." Damon shook his head.

"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you I care about you, I do Damon. I do."

"That's not it, Elena." Damon shook his head, looking at me witwith a '_you know exactly what I want to hear.' _Face.

And I did, but I couldn't say it. I was physically incapable of telling Damon what I felt about him because I honestly didn't know. Because if I thought about it at all-

I just couldn't.

The thought of what I felt for Damon and what he felt for _me _made me terrified and sick.

"You're with Stefan, Elena. Your choice. Your decision." Damon shook his head, thankfully getting me out of the desperate situation I was in before. "And until you're more mentally stable from the transition I won't come near you again." Damon wiped his mouth.

"Damon, please." I ran to him and pushed him down forcefully to the ground and landed on top of him.

I was desperate. I couldn't let him leave. If he left, and I was forced to face my actions instead of having him by my side every day I would die.

"What do I have to do?" I whispered into his ear as I kissed his neck. "What do," I stopped to kiss him again. "I have to," I panted. "do to make you stay?" Damon quickly rolled me over so that he was on top of me and held my wrists strongly against the floor.

"Why are you doing this Elena?" Damon looked at me strangely.

"I just want you to stay, I'll do anything Damon. I just don't want to stop the blood sharing. _Please_." I almost cried.

If I lied and told Damon I only wanted him with me for the blood sharing, I knew I had a chance to make Damon not leave me. I knew that if Damon saw that I kissed him out of wanting him, yet I would still not break up with Stefan, he'd leave faster than I could blink. It was better that he thought I'd kissed him just to keep him with me for blood sharing.

"It's all about the blood sharing?" Damon said, almost sounding hurt.

"Yes." I nodded, lying.

"Then why'd you kiss me?" Damon's crinkled nose looked like it was hiding pure sadness in his eyes.

"I didn't want you to leave and I thought if I kissed you, you wouldn't leave me." I panted.

Damon quickly got up and before I could breathe was standing up with an open door. It took me a second to sit up.

"I'll continue this little game, Elena." Damon smirked, with that awful smirk that breaks your heart because you know all of the pain that's lying behind it. "On one condition, Elena." Damon held up one finger and whispered.

I nodded with a gulp my nerves were on high end. "What?"

"No more kissing between us. Not ever." Damon's teasing eyes now looked so solemn and dark I almost shivered.

I stood up, trying to look confident when in reality I was both surprised and hurt by his conditions.

"I won't be the one with trouble following that rule, Damon." I smirked as I put my hands around his neck, trying to hurt him as much as he hurt me.

Damon didn't look at me before he sunk his teeth into my neck and I gasped.

He was angry.

He was taking out his anger on _me._

* * *

"Where've you been?" Stefan smiled as he put his arm around me. "I've been looking for you for hours." He looked a little worried, but overly sweet about what I had put him through – I felt terrible.

"I'm sorry, I got caught up." I faked a smile. "You know, I'm really tired. I think I'm gonna head home." I lied.

"Do you need a ride?" He smiled as he looked down at me.

"I don't think so-"

"My car's right here, I'd feel better if I got to spend _some _time with you, even if it means I have to be your chauffeur." Stefan's sad smile as he gently pointed out the obvious tore at my heart.

"Sure, Stefan." I nodded sweetly.

Why was I such a terrible person? Why was I hurting both Stefan and Damon?

Because I wanted them both.

I love Stefan.

I want Damon.

I would never win.

"What have you been up to lately? How's school?" Stefan asked.

If felt awkward that he would ask such a question seeing as how he was supposed to be my boyfriend. Also because I had only gone to school only once this week as a consequence of Damon and I blood shared so often this week.

"It's going," I paused trying to find the appropriate lie… "well." I nodded.

Stefan looked at me funny.

"I mean as well as it could go for a teenage vampire." I shrugged.

"I haven't really had the chance to go to school much this week. Been a little busy." Stefan shrugged.

As we reached his car, I felt territorial.

"Stefan, is there something between you and Caroline?" I said as he opened my door.

"You mean other than friendship?" Stefan's innocent and confused face proved his innocence, but I decided to push the issue. "Absolutely not, why would you even ask that?" Stefan seemed hurt.

"No reason," I shook my head. "It's just I had heard that you two were friends again." I smiled and played with my thumbs as I waited for him to get into the car.

"You're the only one for me, Elena. Always and forever." Stefan smiled as he got into his seat. He grabbed my hand.

We sat in awkward silence as his cold hand held mine. It was awful. There was no spark, not blood warming, high sexual tension, nervousness, excitement – nothing. It was just cute. It was nice. It was good. I felt like crying.

"I would come in, but I know you're exhausted." Stefan smiled, I looked at him thankfully.

"Stefan, I just want to let you know that-" I paused, unaware of how to phrase my sentence. "You're friendship with Caroline, that makes me very happy." I smiled.

If Stefan hung out with Caroline more, he'd have less time to be wondering where I was and asking questions. Plus, Stefan was so in love with my I was one million percent if Caroline ever even dared to breath a word to Stefan he wouldn't believe her.

"It's good for her to have someone as her friend like you." I smiled, and then turned my body to face him entirely. "I know that things have been different Stefan. I know that we don't see each other as much anymore-"

"Elena-" Stefan tried to interrupt.

"I just want to let you know that I get it. It's part of my transition. There's certain things that I've done and will continue to do and you won't like them or understand them, and I won't understand them either, but there right Stefan. I don't know why, but it's right. And I just want you to know that, okay?" I realized I had probably lost him after my first sentence, because honestly I had lost myself. Why did I just say all of those things?

"What?" Stefan looked at me strangely.

"Goodnight, Stefan." I smiled quickly and kissed him on the cheek.

As Stefan's car drove away, I super sped to my room, knowing that Damon was going to be coming to my house in a little bit.

I had a plan of what to change into before Damon got there and ran to my closet to make sure I could change before he got there but I was too late.

As soon as I stepped foot into my room Damon attacked me and pushed me onto bed.

"Can't I just change?" I gasped with a laugh and extra breath as he scared me.

"No." Damon shook his head.

"Why?" I whined in fear of Damon's solemn look.

He looked lifeless, just like earlier.

When he drank from me at the party it was excellent – but it took him about an hour to finally open up because before that I felt like some cheap deer he was drinking from. Or worse some sorority girl. He wasn't even gentle – he wouldn't even let me feel the things I felt before. I was terrified of him.

I could tell the look on his face meant he would do the same now.

"Because I want you _now_." Damon's stern words were the final thing I heard before he sunk his fangs into my neck and I moaned loudly.

* * *

"Damon," I swallowed. "It's Thursday." I groaned as Damon continued to suck on my neck and I looked at the clock and it sprung 3 am.

"Mhm." Damon moaned against me.

"School…" I whispered, trying to prove some sort of point but never really getting to it.

Ignoring my previous thoughts i pushed him up and flipped us over and growled right before i bit into his neck.

This was technically the 2nd day of school, more like 4th, I was missing this week because of Damon. Well because of both of us, but really mostly him. Sunday he didn't bother seeing me all day until midnight when he came in and basically ravaged my neck – of course I returned the favor. But I couldn't miss Monday, so I went to school late. But during classes, I started getting withdrawals because we hadn't gotten as much blood shared that night before as we had on Saturday, so I had to call him and during lunch and during my history and some of my Spanish class, Damon and I blood shared. Then again after school at around four in the afternoon, and then this was our schedule. But today I had to see Damon 7 times. My addiction to this was only growing worse seeing as how I couldn't get enough.

But at least he had this problem too. It was the _only _thing I had tied to him. Every morning he would leave me. I would wake up aching, wanting, and depressed because his hands were no longer all over my body. It was horrible. For hours now he wouldn't touch me, and then finally when I'd tire out he'd touch me in places that put me on fire, so I'd be up for hours. It was not getting the usual feelings from the blood sharing that _made_ me want him so _badly_ all the time – I hypothesized. He was not only avoiding the feelings we loved through the blood sharing, but he was also avoiding having any conversations with me. He wouldn't speak that often with me. Most of our encounters were made up of the sounds of slurping and moaning. I was growing impatient.

But it was better when he was as desperate for me as I was for him. Which was the case today. Today we had already called for each other 7 times and this 8th time it only took him 5 minutes to put his hands all over my body like he used to.

We were currently in my room, Damon was laying underneath me on my bed as I drank from him.

Both of us were extremely riled up – to the point where it hurt. The slightest difference in movement from Damon or from myself had both of us shuddering. I couldn't even moan from the fear that one of us was about to take of all of our clothes and die inside of each other.

At this point Damon's hand had slid to the edge of my shirt and I drank from him and time passed, I noticed his hand was inching up slowly. It finally hit my bra strap, but he did nothing but rub soothing circles on my back past that point.

I lifted myself up from him for a quick second so that I could be more comfortable – or so I thought – and I accidently landed right on his extremely erect dick. _So he does care... _

His legs lifted up from their once laid down position and bent- sliding me down closer to his erection. I couldn't handle all the contact on top of the drinking without relief so I let each of my legs fall on the other side of his thigh so that my heated core was touching his upper thigh. I squeezed against his thigh again and against praying for some sort of relief. He followed as he let his outer leg squeezed me continuously too. I broke away from his neck because this was just too painful and consuming.

I put all my concentration on my squeezing trying to see if I could just get some sort of relief, and Damon did the same. We were basically humping each other, and it was awful but I needed this.

"A-ah-ah-ah" I panted as I tried to feel better.

Damon groaned.

Quickly Damon flipped us over and had me underneath him, I gasped. At that moment I was his slave – I would do anything as long as it included him making the pain go away and allow the pleasure to come in.

"Damon, please." I begged for him to do something.

And in one swift movement, within one blink, the warmth that was once on me left me. There was no one in my room anymore.

I blinked a few times, not believing Damon would just leave me out of nowhere. But after 5 blinks I realized I was wrong.

I had really messed things up with him this time, and now he was torturing me.

I started crying.

* * *

**SO... yeah. that happened.**

**Damon's pissed - because if elena actually did this to Damon i'd be pissed - and though it might not make sense - she has to do what she's doing for her to fully grow and develop in the end of the story in my eyes...**

**reviewwwwwww be nice to me3**


	7. Chapter 7 - Addicted

Addicted

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT3

I WANT TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR ALL THE RESPONSES - I HOPE TO SEE MORE AFTER THIS. SEE CUZ IN THIS CHAPTER THERE'S ACTUALLY A PLOT!

*WINK*

I CRIED WRITING SOME OF THESE SCENES NOT GONNA LIE...

* * *

ADDICTED (KELLY CLARKSON)

**It's like you're a drug  
It's like you're a demon I can't face down  
It's like I'm stuck  
**It's like I'm running from you all the time  
**And I know I let you have all the power  
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around  
It's like you're a leech  
**Sucking the life from me  
**It's like I can't breathe  
Without you inside of me  
**And I know I let you have all the power  
_**And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time**_

**It's like I can't breathe  
It's like I can't see anything  
Nothing but you  
I'm addicted to you**  
**It's like I can't think  
Without you interrupting me  
In my thoughts  
In my dreams  
You've taken over me  
**It's like I'm not me  
It's like I'm not me

**It's like I'm lost  
It's like I'm giving up slowly  
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me  
Leave me alone  
And I know these voices in my head  
Are mine alone  
And I know I'll never change my ways  
If I don't give you up now  
**  
**I'm hooked on you  
I need a fix  
I can't take it  
Just one more hit  
I promise I can deal with it  
I'll handle it, quit it  
Just one more time  
Then that's it  
Just a little bit more to get me through this  
I'm hooked on you  
I need a fix**  
I can't take it  
Just one more hit  
**I promise I can deal with it  
I'll handle it, quit it  
Just one more time**  
**Then that's it  
Just a little bit more to get me through this**

**You've taken over me  
It's like I'm not me  
_**

* * *

"We ca-can't," I panted as he threw me against the wall. "can't keep doing th-" I paused as I heard him hiss right before he was getting against my neck. "this." I whispered.

"What?" He spit out right before piercing his fangs into my neck.

I moaned.

"Damon my-my shirt." I whispered, sounding unalarmed but worried as I felt my blood drip down my neck and almost reach my white shirt.

Damon growled as he slid his hands under my shirt and felt the skin there.

Feelings his cold hands against my warm skin as he drank from me caused me to writhe and moan against the wall that I was being pushed against. I tried not to be too loud, seeing as how we were in the Janitor's closet of my school in a corner behind some stand with a bunch of wrenches in it. The only light we had was a small little light that had a chain to pull to turn on.

I told him we couldn't keep doing this because I was worried. I felt like one of Damon's booty's calls. He called me only when he wanted to meet me, and even though I did the same, I wasn't the one who fled the scene every morning like some one-night stand. It was cold and rude and I was tired of how long it was taking Damon to warm up to me. Whenever he came over my house he was always cold for at least an hour, at worst two, and then he'd have his hands all over my body just when I'd be about to go to sleep. And even though at night he'd be distant and never actually stay to talk to me, during the day he'd maul me during or in between classes. It was getting worse though. His erratic behavior only let us have just enough of each other, so that the next time we saw each other it was never enough. I hated this. Now, it felt like I couldn't leave if I didn't have him every other hour at least once touching me or having him near me, I'd get extremely anxious and sexually charged and I felt like I would explode.

I stopped thinking about the past as Damon's hands lifted my shirt up slowly and his hands lingered on each body part they left. Quickly he stopped drinking from me and lifted my arms over my head so he could throw my shirt over my head. Then, he stepped back and took off his shirt. I looked at him, panting and confused, but not arguing.

"You were dripping on me, can't have that." He quickly explained and then rammed his now naked upper body against my naked upper body.

It. Felt. Great.

It took all of my will power to keep my hands to myself, instead of on his extremely muscular

back, but even then it was proving increasingly difficult to fight myself. I knew Damon could understand my pain as his right hand stayed just underneath my bra and his thumb teased the lower part of my breast.

This. Was. Torture.

As Damon drank from me I could barely see. I tried to focus only on the sensations being fed from was bringing me – but Damon's position of legs were specifically placed in a way that I could do nothing but constantly remember how much I _wanted_ him.

Sometimes I wondered what was worse – the idea that he could smell from a mile away how badly I wanted him because of the liquid that constantly pooled in between my legs, _or_ his erection that seemed to never subside and always torture me. The answer I would never know.

What I did know was that I was already feeling horribly sexually charged before when we had our shirts on. Now, as Damon's hand teased the bottom of my breast and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his lower back to pull him closer to me, I seemed to be dying a slow, painful, and rather unsatisfying death.

Even though Damon had been overwhelmingly cold and distant from me whenever we were _not _blood sharing – at times even not speaking to me at all – after a while ofblood sharing, it was an entirely different story.

It was like Damon and I were dogs in heat. We were constantly on each other and touching each other – except that stupid rule of Damon's was to not kiss so that made things increasingly difficult. Especially now as I would kill him to kiss me right now and just rip off the rest of our clothes so this sexual frustration would just find some sort of freaking release!

Seeing as how Damon was being way too gentle as he drank from me and I felt he had had his fill, I pushed him away from my neck and flipped us over so his back was to the wall.

I tried to be sneaky as I put my hand around his neck and under his arm to pull him close to me tightly. I leaned into his neck and felt his erection lift perfectly to touch my center as I pushed my breasts against him roughly – even through the bra I could feel my nipples touch his chest. I went to his neck and sucked harshly, letting my tongue lavish his neck. I knew that 1) Damon wouldn't resist long. 2) Damon wouldn't let me do this for long. So after he finally started reacting and pulling me closer to him I bit into him.

He groaned and I couldn't help but play with his buckle as I got lost in his blood and in the fantasies of all the sexual positions we should've been in by now…

About an hour later, maybe 3, Damon's hands were finally groping my breast as he sucked from me. I wanted to tell him to squeeze harder, or to maybe kiss me there, but I bit my tongue and clenched my fists beside me in fear of his reaction.

Damon finally stopped drinking from my neck and began to suck on my neck similarly to how I had before. Damon was finally getting lower – to the beginning of my breast – and I almost screamed in anticipation of the relief I thought he would bring me. But I was wrong.

The bell of the class' ending rang. I wanted to die.

Damon jumped as he took about 20 steps away from me.

"God." Damon shook his head as he wiped the blood of his mouth. My panting was all I had to stop me from breaking out in tears. "We have to feed. It's getting impossible without it." Damon reached for his shirt.

I nodded, understanding what he meant by impossible possibly more than he did. I was dying without having Damon and his blood near me at least once every couple of hours.

"When?" I tried to be as nonchalant as him, as non-caring as he seemed.

Because now I saw his usually excited blue eyes look solemn and unaffected by our hot and heavy encounter. None of the feeling I had caught a glimpse of these past couple of hours was present.

"After school. I'll call you." His words were short as I put my shirt on.

"What time is it?" I scoffed in anger and annoyance. The likelihood of me having school right now was next to zero. We'd been in this closet for hours.

"A quarter to four." Damon pursed his lips and caught my point. "See you later." He said before he opened the door and left me in the closet. Alone.

"Kill me." I whispered as I banged my head against the wall.

Why was he doing this? Why did he have to be so insufferable?!

God! He was so- frustrating and upsetting and god I hated him!

I hated him because I wanted him so badly I could sleep with a million men and it wouldn't satiate my need for Damon. I hated him because he was being such a first rate jackass and making me feel so used and abused. I hated him because he wouldn't talk to me or let me in anymore. I hated him because he wanted me to choose between him and his brother and I just couldn't do that.

But mostly, I hated him because I knew that I didn't really hate him at all. I hated myself, because inside, all of his reactions and behaviors were caused and created by _me_.

* * *

"Mmm." I moaned as I fed off some random stranger in the bathroom at the Grill.

Sure it was probably pretty stupid to go to the _Grill _to feed off of people, but there weren't really any parties to go to, and Damon had promised the Grill would be the perfect place – and me, not wanting him to hate me anymore than he already did, happily obliged him.

Damon was right when he said that feeding would help the _addiction _I basically had to him and his blood, because it helped feel hunger. But as much as I loved human blood, I think the hunger and addiction that was bringing me to Damon was more _sexual _and less _nutritional_ – if that made any sense at all.

After my fifth victim collapsed to the floor, Damon's did the same and we both stood there panting. I was the one to make the first move of walking over to him. I quickly got close to him, pulled my shirt off as I had earlier and pushed him against the wall. I lifted his shirt off and he happily (maybe even deliriously) lifted his arms over his head to help me do so.

I leaned in to his ear and panted still, "it's not enough." I whispered.

"I know." He nodded as he leaned his head back and I sunk my fangs into him.

We stayed like that for as long as was possible for people to stay in one of two bathrooms in the Grill while two people stood unconscious on the floor and the other two vampires moaned loudly without getting caught.

So, not very long.

* * *

I left the bathroom first.

We obviously had to leave at separate times, and for once, I wanted to not feel like the one being left so I exited first. I didn't really know what to do without Damon, but I decided the bar might help with that massively gaping hole in my body that needed filling by something, _ahem Damon_.

As I walked over to the bar, I heard a voice call me from the tables.

"Elena?" Bonnie said.

I smiled and walked over to her table. She was sitting with that professor guy. Was Shane his name? I think so.

"Hi, Bonnie. Hi _Professor." _I said nicely enough.

"What are you doing here by yourself?" She smiled, but of course her judging suspicious eyes never left the look in her eyes.

"I'm not here by myself, I'm with Damon." I smiled and said too quickly.

Shit. _Think before you speak Elena, think before you speak-_

"Would you excuse me for just one second?" Bonnie said to the professor before she got up and grabbed my hand and walked away from him.

_Here we go…_

"Elena, you need to stop seeing Damon." Bonnie growled lowly.

"What?" I looked at her as if she was speaking gibberish. "No!" I shook my head.

"If you're going to continue to be the awesome and decent person that I know you are, then you're either going to break up with Stefan this instant, or you're going to stop seeing Damon. You've been doing things that prove you don't deserve one of them at least, but you still have time to fix things, Elena. Just _please_ think about your actions and their consequences." Bonnie pleaded.

"What the hell?" I let out a heavy breath. "You think you can just threaten me to stop acting the way I do? Newsflash, I'm not a person anymore, Bonnie, I'm a vampire. And, for your information, I'm with Damon now because he's there for me and he's been helping me with the transition in ways that Stefan can't. Nothing more." I barked.

"Really, Elena? Caroline told me about what you were doing with Damon the other day at the party, and it was certainly not benefiting your vampire abilities. More like testing the _new _ones out." Bonnie narrowed her eyes angrily. "She also told me how you threatened her." Bonnie's low whisper sounded hurt, and I almost wanted to push her violently.

"You don't understand Bonnie, and I don't expect you to. What I do expect you to do is just stay out of my life and my business right now. The last thing I need and want at this extremely confusing time is your judging." I hissed.

"And what is what you _need_ Elena?" Bonnie almost shouted loud enough for others to hear. "Damon? The guy who killed your mother? Who slept with Caroline a bunch of times and fed her enough blood to make her turn? The guy who killed Jeremy? The guy who sleeps around with everyone and everything and doesn't give a fuck about anyone else?" Bonnie's eyes were furious.

I winced. That wasn't Damon – not anymore.

"He's not like that anymore and you know it, Bonnie. He wouldn't hurt me anymore. He doesn't sleep around like he used to either. He loves _me_." I whispered, ready to cut her throat out if she didn't stop insulting me and Damon.

"Really, he seems more than content with that blonde who's on top of him over there." Bonnie growled and looked behind me.

At the bar was Damon and some random blonde, who I was ready to drain and kill within a heartbeat, canoodling. She was basically sitting on Damon's lap as she kissed the lips I was _not _allowed to kiss.

God Fuck Damn it all to fuck.

"I'm not fucking dating him Bonnie, this only proves my point." I lied through my teeth. "I can hang out with Damon because he's my friend – I'm still with Stefan. I love_ Stefan!" _It burned my heart to know that I was still conversing with Bonnie while some random slut was making out with Damon.

But it hurt even more knowing that Damon was letting her.

"Elena, both you and I know that what you and Damon have is _so _much more than a friendship." Bonnie narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "But if you want to ruin your life, and crush the hopes and dreams of those you love around you, meanwhile losing all of your relationships all together, be my guest. But don't expect me to be there by your side while you do so." Bonnie's said words proved submission to my decisions, and as much as I should've been hurt by the pain I was so obviously causing everyone around me, including her, I could only focus on the sounds Damon's lips and the random whore on his lap were making as they kissed.

"I don't really care Bonnie. Suit yourself." I said as seriously as I could without showing the sadness I held inside.

As I turned around and left Bonnie standing in her place, I caught a final glimpse of Damon getting up and leading the blonde out of the Grill through the back, without even glancing at me.

I ran as fast as I could out of the Grill through the front and tried to hold my tears from bursting for as long as I could until I finally reached my house, then my room and that's where I started sobbing.

The pain was unbearable.

The thought of Damon going home with that whore was intolerable.

I was going to be sick.

I ran to the bathroom and took off my clothes as I ran the shower. I wanted his scent off of me. I wanted the thought of his hands all over my body to be extinguished – because it meant nothing.

His hands could be all over my body all they wanted – but now they were all over that _sluts' _and not me. He was with another girl.

I almost threw up. Instead I slid down and sobbed on cold surface of the bathtub.

* * *

"Elena," Damon whispered.

I was slowly coming into consciousness as the tip of Damon's nose slid across my cheek.

"I want you now." He whispered in the sweetest and softest of voices.

It seemed a dream. But even in my dream I knew I was too angry with him to let him drink from me. Why was I mad at him again?

"No," I shook my head slowly. Trying to wake up more to remember why I hated him.

"Why not?" I heard him say as he ignored me and his neck was already at my neck.

As he bit into me anyway, I inhaled a deep breath and the god-awful smell of a mixture of a baby prostitute on Damon's usually intoxicating smell awoke me faster than any cold shower.

I pushed him off of me and ran out of my bed and stood panting in shock, horror, betrayal, and outrage.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I yelled.

He looked shocked as he stayed in my bed.

I saw that next to him, my clock said it was 3:30 am.

"You think you can come to my house at 3:30 am after you _slept _with that girl, because _now _you want me? Are you mentally stable?" I barked.

"Elena, Jeremy's going to wake up." Damon smirked, content with himself, as he got up and stood over the side of my bed.

"Are you not going to answer the question Damon?" I hissed.

"Let's just calm down a bit, Elena." He smirked and walked closer to me.

"Stay, away from me." I gritted my teeth, tears threatening to overwhelm me as the hurt I felt over his nonchalant reaction was starting to arise.

"Elena, you're being silly." Damon rolled his eyes in amusement.

"You slept with her, Damon!" I almost sobbed again, but swallowed the lump in my throat not willing to give him the satisfaction. "Do you honestly think you can just come in here and drink from me after that?"

"Yes, Elena! I do!" Damon finally angrily told me as he walked closer to me. "You know why?" He whispered as he started walking closely enough that I was being backed into a wall. "Because _you _chose Stefan. _You _told me multiple times that it was always going to be Stefan! _You _told me you wanted me to be happy. Well I'm sure as hell trying, Elena!" Damon whispered as he was only inches away from my face and yelling. "But you just don't let me because you can't let go, not really." Damon finally relaxed when he saw a tear fall from my cheek.

"You said you loved me." I whispered, the final argument I had to defend myself in this battle I was sure to lose.

"Only in _your _distorted sense of the word could you see my loving you as a reason for me sleeping with someone else not to be justified. I can love you with all my heart and sleep with other people, Elena. I'm not yours. You're not mine. You decided so." Damon's sad voice broke my heart, but I couldn't help but feel distraught.

"I can't do this Damon." My voice cracked as multiple tears betrayed me and slipped down my cheeks. I tried to wipe them away as fast as I could, but they were too quick for me.

"You want to stop our arrangement?" Damon seemed unfazed, I wanted to slap him.

"I can't be near you if you're just going to go-" I couldn't finish the sentence – which was rather unfortunate.

"Do all the things you and Stefan do? Oh, gee, I really am such a _monster_." Damon's eyes narrowed.

I wanted to kick and scream, 'Stefan and I haven't slept together yet!' But I bit my tongue. Why give Damon the chance to be on top? It would just make him feel better. And I wanted to make him suffer like I was suffering.

"I. Never. Want. To. See. You. Again." I said so lowly, he almost seemed to show an emotion – fear. But he didn't, instead he took a step forward and I couldn't help but turn around and start sobbing and gasping for air. _It wasn't fair._

How could Damon not see that I wanted to be with him, but then he did things like this and I wasn't sure? How could he not see that the love I had for him _terrified me_ because of his whimsical behavior?

What if I really did give into Damon and he just decided to pick up and leave? What was I going to do then? Die? No.

That's why I needed Stefan. Because no matter what Stefan was safe. He wouldn't destroy me.

"Elena," I heard Damon say sadly as he put his arms around me and embraced me. "Sh.." He tried to comfort me as I gasped and tried to push him away. He pet me and held me against his chest and eventually, after several blows to the chest, I succumbed and rested his neck.

"I don't want to stop the blood sharing." He whispered in my ear as he led us back to the bed.

"I don't want to feel like this Damon." I said after I steadied my breath. "It's too much." I shook my head.

"It's probably just the blood." Damon tried to console me – but his voice sounded sad. "It makes all your emotions go a little crazy.

"I want to stop wanting the blood, Damon. We have to try and stop this _addiction_."

_My addiction to you._ I thought. But then I shuddered because I knew that'd be impossible.

"We will. We'll wane off of it, slowly, so it's not too painful." Damon breathed in my ear as he tucked us both underneath the covers and breathed on my neck.

I nodded and let him put his arm over my waist in acceptance of his biting from my neck, because besides my utter depression at the thought of him sleeping with some bitch, I had an aching need to be revived from Damon's drinking of my blood and from the taste of Damon's of blood.

* * *

A week had passed since that emotional incident, and though at first Damon had been sweet and gentle with the rest of our blood sharings, and though we had promised to wane off of each other, at this point we were constantly terrorizing and attacking the other and becoming more and more demanding of the other's body – if that was possible.

It was Thursday night, and as was custom both Damon and I had already taken off each other's shirts. It was now custom that we would blood share with as few clothes as possible. In fact, this week we had found ourselves in situations where very few clothes were finding themselves present.

We didn't want stains on our pretty clothes, _right_?

Damon legs were intertwined with mine as he fed from me. He was being especially horrible today as he unhooked the button on my jeans and started pushing on them.

"Damon," I whispered.

"Their uncomfortable, Elena" I heard him stop slurping and say for a moment.

"Okay," I conceded with eyes closed as I anticipated where his hands would be on my body. "But only if you take off your pants too.

We sometimes played the game of, "if I have to do it, you do too", when it came to our clothes. And hey, I wasn't complaining.

Damon in a flash stopped drinking from me to take off his pants and then slid up me again to my neck to keep drinking. As I felt his manhood literally two fabrics away from my extremely heated core I almost cried out. This was the most relief I had gotten in months and I wanted all of it.

Thankfully Damon could agree as he slid himself sneakily up and down my body.

"Oh," I moaned.

"You can't moan, Elena." I hear Damon groan in a tone that sounded very tight. His head lifted right over my left breast. "You make this so much _harder_." Damon's choice of words almost made me moan out loud, but the blood on the corner of his mouth that dripped onto my left breast, right on top of the nipple that the edge of my bra barely covered, distracted us both.

"Whoops," Damon whispered as he leaned down and began sucking on the blood that he dropped on my left breast.

"Ah, yes." I said by accident as I played with Damon's hair and pushed him closer to my breast to lick harder and to for the love of God get to my nipple-

"I have to go." I heard Damon's tight voice say before he was out of my bed and leaving me cold within seconds.

"What?" I yelled, disappointed.

"You have school tomorrow; I don't want you to miss another day." Damon said as he grabbed the pants he had thrown on the floor only seconds before.

"What's one more day?" I said angrily as I slid out of my bed, not embarrassed that I was only in a bra and underwear. Damon didn't listen to me as he reached down for his shirt. "Damon, please just stay." I grabbed his arm.

I wasn't prepared for another one of his departures. Not when I felt so, god. Like _this._

"If I don't go now, _bad _things might happen Elena." Damon smirked as he put his shirt on.

"What if I _want _them to happen?" I raised an eyebrow as I put my arms around him and started kissing his neck.

"You don't mean that." Damon growled and pushed me away from him.

"What do you want from me Damon?" I yelled at him angrily. "I already told you I _want _you. What, do you want me to beg on my hands and knees?"

"You know what I want, Elena." Damon's serious tone made me furiously sad.

He wanted those three words, eight letters. Those words that gave him the power to destroy me.

Yeah, no thanks.

"Is it not enough to have my body all to you?" I grabbed his face and kissed him forcefully.

I had done this once before, but now that I was almost naked and still recovering from the bed incident earlier, I was dying with his kiss. Damon let me kiss him, even put his arms around my waist, and though he wasn't completely controlled, I could tell that somehow he had a plan in all of this.

I didn't care. All I wanted was him to kiss me forever. I easily let his tongue into my mouth and let him dominate my mouth and make me moan. Kissing Damon was such a dream, and the moans that came from both of us as our tongues fought each other just erked us on. He broke away from my lips, but held his arm around my waist. "You have my mind and my body all to you, Damon. Just you." I whispered.

Damon let go of me with a sad smile as he backed away from me slowly.

"What do I care about those things, if I'll never have what I've wanted the most all this time, your heart?" Damon smirked sadly as he looked at my chest, where my heart would be, and then headed towards my door.

"You broke my rule, Elena." Damon said as his hands turned the knob to my door and I was left standing with tears in my eyes at his confession and my anger with myself. "Goodbye." He said, with such an eerie tone, that my heart started racing.

Why did he say that like it was an actual and final _Goodbye_?

My heart began breaking at the mere thought of any truth to that statement.

* * *

OKAY SO DAMON'S CHEATING ON HER KILLED ME INSIDE NOT GONNA LIE.

I SEE BOTH SIDES.

I'D BE PISSED IF IT HAPPENED ON THE SHOW - BUT AT THE SAME TIME... HE'S NOT REALLY WITH HER... IDK... WHAT DO YOU THINKK?

**REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW**


	8. Chapter 8 - It's Time

**It's Time**

**Imagine what the lyrics below mean... and that's what you're getting this chapter.**

**I'm going more back on track with the show seeing as how this sire dilemma garbage seems similar to what could be up ahead for Damon and Elena in this story... or not... we'll see ;)**

**HOPE YOU LIKE IT - I KNOW IT TOOK A WHILE SORRY 3**

* * *

It's Time by Imagine Dragons

**So this is what you meant  
When you said that you were spent  
**And **now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit  
Right to the top  
Don't hold back  
**Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain check

I don't ever want to let you down  
I don't ever want to leave this town  
'Cause after all  
This city never sleeps at night

**It's time to begin, isn't it?  
**I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit  
I'm just the same as I was  
Now don't you understand  
That I'm never changing who I am

So this is where you fell  
And I am left to sell  
The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell  
Right to the top  
Don't look back  
Turning to rags and giving the commodities a rain check

**I don't ever want to let you down  
**I don't ever want to leave this town  
'Cause after all  
**This city never sleeps at night  
**  
It's time to begin, isn't it?  
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit  
I'm just the same as I was  
Now don't you understand  
That I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?  
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit  
I'm just the same as I was  
Now don't you understand  
That I'm never changing who I am

**This road never looked so lonely  
This house doesn't burn down slowly  
To ashes, to ashes**

It's time to begin, isn't it?  
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit  
I'm just the same as I was  
Now don't you understand  
That I'm never changing who I am

**It's time to begin, isn't it?  
**I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit  
**I'm just the same as I was  
Now don't you understand**  
That I'm never changing who I am

"Elena?" Bonnie snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"Yeah, sorry. What did you say?" I shook my head, trying to feel sorry for not listening to her.

This was the millionth time I had done that in the past two days and I could feel how intolerant she was of me.

"Elena, I'm actually worried about you. This," she pointed all over me as if just saying all of me, "Whatever this is, is really scaring me. You should _not _be this affected. I'm tired of trying to have a conversation with you when you keep zoning out. I'm trying to be a good friend here but you're making it _impossible_." Bonnie sighed.

My cheeks turned red. Had I really become so bad that my own friend couldn't stand me? It wasn't _my _fault though! We were at lunch as she chatted her head off, she had food in front of her, but she never paused to eat it – I noticed. On top of that, her voice was awfully monotone, her story was entirely boring, and I immediately let my thoughts fly to Damon.

"I'm sorry. I should go-" I got up from the lunch table and walked to the hallways that I would mindlessly roam through until class started.

I had asked Bonnie to keep me company seeing as how Damon had literally sworn off of me and the lack of his presence was actually eating away at me. All I could do was think about him and miss him, and crave him, and the _blood_.

"God, I'm screwed." I sighed as I hit my head against a locker.

* * *

"I'm sorry what?" I shook my head, not even caring that I was incapable of answering the question.

"Are you okay?" My biology – was it biology? - teacher asked.

He had asked me a question during class, and since I was thinking of everything but _history_ at the moment.

"Um, yeah." I nodded, but instead of caring what the rest of the class thought when they snicked, I got up from my seat and took my bag with me.

I tried to stay low profile by sitting in the back row. It was a successful method in every other class, but of course it was bound to fail sometime. I didn't care if I could get suspended for getting up and leaving like I had. I couldn't stand that class. I couldn't stand the day really – but I had made it through the rest of my classes somehow.

This last class was just – god – I just realized how horrible everything was and how I felt and I had to leave.

It was horrible trying to complete any worksheet or paying attention in any class. It was awful trying to sleep every night. It was dreadful trying to go through the day without thinking about him.

He was the source of all my nightmares, all my thoughts, and all my problems. He wouldn't leave me alone even when he really was leaving me alone.

Damon had left me two days ago. As in an entire 48 hours. As in I'm basically dying right now.

_Why_ did he do it? Why couldn't he have seen me a little bit? Why wouldn't he visit me at least _once. _I was supposed to be able to wane off of him slowly – not from one second to the next.

I went into the bathroom and banged my head against the door as I closed it. Why was I so stupid?

Why couldn't I see that Damon's reactions were _my _fault? That Damon was not doing anything but keeping his word – he told me to decide and I chose Stefan. Damon was tired of being carried around and I understand that, but – couldn't he have just waited a little longer?

No. If I was Damon I wouldn't have wanted to wait any longer either.

And I understood why he wouldn't wait. But I felt like I was still as stuck as ever. On the one hand I didn't want to let go of Stefan because I didn't know what a relationship with Damon meant. But on the other hand…

I've lost everyone in my life. I've lost my parents, my aunt, my uncle, I have no relatives except for Jeremy. And even if Stefan won't admit it –

_I've lost him too._

I began pacing in the bathroom as that realization came over me.

_I have lost Stefan haven't I? Of course! He probably hates that I'm never with him. That even though we aren't officially over we've haven't been _together_ for a _while. _What was the point of staying with Stefan if I want to be with Damon more? If I care about what Damon thinks more? If I think about Damon more?_

_If I might _love _him more?_

I sucked in my breath as my thoughts consumed me.

I had a plan.

* * *

"Why did you do it?" Caroline grabbed my arm forcefully and pulling me so close to her I could feel her hot breath hit me.

"Let go." I shoved her off. "What are you talking about."

What the hell was her problem?

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." She growled, and I swallowed as I realized what was going on.

Was she honestly going to take _his _side_?_ Did I do anything to make her do so? I started remembering what I had just done to see what I could have done to make her so angry.

* * *

_Oh God_. I groaned in nervousness as I tapped my foot against the foot rest on the bar.

I was at the Mystic Falls Grill, and I was having what felt similar to a panic attack. The thought of what I was about to do was not only terrifying but strange, unfamiliar, and exhilarating at the same time. But as I kept looking up at the door to wait for my special guest to enter, I was both wildly angry and overwhelmingly thankful that he hadn't come yet.

I kept tapping my foot.

It's not that he was late – he just wasn't early. If I had had it my way he would've come when I called him – at 4 pm. But no, I had to say 6:30 …. Gosh I was stupid.

I had 2 hours to prepare for this, and it wasn't enough. Because the more I thought about it, the more afraid I was. And the more afraid I was the more I wanted to pick up the phone and take it back. For the past 2 hours I had managed to avoid that doing so – but I felt one more minute and I was going to crack.

"Elena." I felt his hand slide down my shoulder as he took a seat next to me.

"Stefan." I smiled, as I almost jumped. How did he come in without my noticing? _Because you're distracted… _Oh. Right.

"I'm glad you called – I was going crazy not seeing you for so long." Stefan smiled and pulled me in for a hug.

At first I responded awkwardly and sadly, but then I gave him a big embrace and closed my eyes in sadness. No matter what I felt for Stefan it would never be the same as it was before, and the thought of not being with _him _and crushing his feelings because of that made me sad.

"Stefan-" I said slowly, trying to slide out of his embrace.

"What?" Stefan's eyes went from joyful to worried. Like if I had just disappointed a puppy.

"I asked you to come here because-" I gulped, looking down at my hands that were on my lap. "Because I can't," I paused, my voice cracking. "I can't do this anymore." I finally let the words out and felt a huge relief come to me as I did.

It was a _very _brief relief though, because Stefan's angry and hurt face glanced at me and the guilt came rushing towards me.

"I don't know what to say." Stefan finally breathed out. His voice sounding cold, sad, and _empty. _

"I want you to know that I don't want to hurt you, but if I continue like this it's just gonna make things so much worse-" I paused, to see if Stefan would react. When he didn't, I continued. "And I can't hurt you anymore because I love you." I whispered, tears in my eyes – but not enough to fall down my cheeks.

"If you love me then why are you leaving me?" Stefan laughed quietly. Wow he was taking this worse than I thought.

"Would you have rather me to lie to you? To pretend that I wasn't feeling like _this_?" I looked at him strangely.

"No." He shook his head. "I just don't understand why. What's changed, Elena? What'd I do differently during all this time?" He turned to me and grabbed my hands.

_Besides everything?_

"Me, Stefan. It's nothing with you. When you were gone, it was really hard to get by. But I did. Because Damon was there to help me. And when you were back, _finally_, I was _so _sure I wanted you. I knew that in any competition and in my head it was _always_ you that I would choose to be with forever." I paused, and he looked confused and, sadly, a bit hopeful. "But then I turned. And I remembered things that I felt for Damon when you were gone. And you've tried to help me through this but you couldn't. And Damon was there. He's always been there for me, and I know that it's not your fault- you were compelled and everything but, there's feelings that I used to feel for Damon that I ignored when you came back- I can't ignore them anymore. Ever since I've become a vampire, everything is different. Ever since I turned I've seen things in a different light and my feelings have changed. What I want, it's just different."

"You mean, _who _you want." Stefan clenched his jaw.

"I can't be with you if I have that doubt." I shook my head. "It's not fair to you and it's not fair to him."

"Why would you change your mind _now_? It wasn't fair before and you didn't care. Why now?"

Stefan's eyes searched mine thoroughly for an answer, and I was afraid to respond.

"Because I didn't realize that I might lose him too. He said he'd never leave me, but I've pushed him to that point. And I can't risk losing another important person in my life." A tear slid down my cheek at the thought, and I saw Stefan's face go through the emotions of anger, rage, sadness, and then finally a scary calmness that scared me more than the other emotions.

"Thank you for telling me, Elena." He nodded awkwardly before standing up and leaving.

I sat down for a little bit to calm down, and realize what I had just done. Then I got up, and that's when Caroline caught me.

* * *

"Why did you break up with Stefan?" Caroline hissed and crossed her arms.

"That's my business." I growled, did Caroline think that if she hurt me she would get me to be friends with her again – yeah, _no_.

"Elena," Caroline breathed, calming down and visibly becoming more reasonable. "Look I'm sorry. But I heard everything, I was sitting right," She pointed over at the table, and I mentally slapped myself for not realizing her presence. "There."

"I broke up with Stefan because what I was doing wasn't right. You and Bonnie were right – I was trying to do the _right _thing. Why are you so angry? I did what you _asked _me to do." I shook my head as I narrowed my eyes.

"You-" She paused, trying to find the words to explain herself properly, and her eyes looked hurt. "You weren't supposed to _break _up with him." Caroline looked frustrated.

"You _told_ me too! You were right, what I was doing with Damon while being with Stefan _wasn't _right! What else was I supposed to do?" I yelled.

"I didn't tell Stefan because of you _threatened _me Elena. I did it because I thought this whole Damon patch would blow over. I thought it was _temporary. _I thought you would go back to Stefan eventually – not _break up _with him. What the hell, Elena? Why'd you do it?"

I let out a breath in shock as she revealed herself.

"Because," I paused. What could I say that would make her understand? The truth? "I'll never stop loving Stefan, _but _I can't be with _Stefan _if I _want _to be with Damon." I whispered, almost embarrassed as I admitted myself.

"You _want _to be with Damon?" Caroline looked at my suspiciously.

I nodded. Not able to say anything more about my real feelings.

"Why did you decide that _now_, and not before? Why did you choose Stefan before then?" Caroline kept prying.

"Because I didn't realize-" I stopped myself before I said anything truthful stupid.

Caroline waited for me to continue, but when I didn't I saw her eyes widen with realization. "You didn't realize you would _lose _him if you were still with Stefan?"

_What the- How did she-?_

I didn't respond.

"_That's_ what this is about, isn't it? You broke up with Stefan because Damon said he wouldn't be with you if you were still with Stefan." Caroline whispered, talking to herself more than me. "I heard him say that to you the other day at the room. I thought you would've left him for Stefan already then." She stopped, as if trying to make sense of all the things she had just put together. "Why didn't you, Elena? Why didn't- Why aren't you going back to Stefan?"

_Because I can't live without Damon-_

"Things are different now." I said nervously. "The things I want, what I want, I see it differently. In a time where everybody has left me _he _never has. And the thought of losing him _now_, or making him suffer because of me-" I paused, my voice cracking and my eyes filled with tears at the thought of all the times I had hurt Damon. "It just hurts _me _more than it ever did before."

"Do you love him?" Caroline fired.

_Oh fuck._

_Why oh why would she ask me that – it- she- ugh._

I looked _obviously _uncomfortable – but she didn't care. She wanted an answer.

"I don't know." I shrugged after a minute of uncomfortable and nervous shifting. "Maybe. I'm scared of being with him, but I need to give him a chance. I know that right now, he's what I need. What I want." I admitted.

Caroline nodded, processing my answers again.

"Well, goodluck." She nodded, in a foreign and unfriendly manner, "I hope it works out the way you want it too." She nodded and spoke in the most fake manner I had ever seen. She was obviously angry with me. She started walking away from me.

"Caroline, wait."

She stopped.

"I hate what I've done. I hate that I've-" What did I do? "I've _torn _us apart. I would hate if this came between us."

"Me too. But I'm on Stefan's side on this one, Elena. I don't understand why you're acting like this. So don't expect me to." Caroline explained.

"You're taking _Stefan's _side?" My undead heart almost came back.

_Why was she doing this? Why wouldn't she try and understand me even if it was impossible? Why couldn't she just be my friend?_

"Of course I am!" Caroline hissed. "This thing you have with Damon makes _no _sense, Elena. Ever since you've become a vampire it's like you're an _entirely _different person. I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

I sucked in a breath as Caroline's words pierced my heart. But I wouldn't let her leave like that.

"Are you in love with him?" I almost laughed.

"Wh-what?" She stuttered. "Of course not!" She responded way too quickly and her cheeks turned bright red. _She _was_ in love with him._

"Wow." I shook my head and tried to swallow the disgusting taste I currently had in my mouth. "I hope you know that nothing you ever do will make him fall in love with you. You'll _never _have him.

"It's. _Always_. Going. To. Be. _Me_." I whispered the last words, and the way her face contorted proved that she totally had feelings for him.

"I don't think so, Elena." Caroline laughed nervously. "But even if it was, what do you care now? You have Damon."

"I don't." I smiled grimly. "I just feel sorry for you since you're going to be pathetically waiting for a man who will want _nothing_ to do with you for the rest of eternity."

"You'd be surprised what 50 years can do – what it can _change_." She hissed.

"Well if you're willing pine over someone that long," I shrugged sarcastically. "I guess it's _your _life. See how I don't want to interfere? That's what friends _do_. They don't _judge_." I growled.

"It's because I care that I tell you these things, Elena. Look at yourself for one second! You have _no _one. Jeremy's even gone back into drugs, and it's _your_ fault."

"What?" Tears came to my eyes.

"I didn't know how to tell you – Bonnie said she was trying to help him, but she told me. It's been happening ever since the accident and you haven't even _realized._" Caroline shook her head, and I almost slapped her for revealing things to me in such a bitchy and uncalled for manner.

"You should've told me." I swallowed that uncomfortable feeling in my throat.

"You should've _been _there." Caroline spit out. "Goodbye, Elena." She shook her head and looked sickened.

And for a second I understood her entirely.

* * *

It was about nine o'clock when I felt myself pace through the Salvatore living room in nervousness as the memories of the day flooded through me.

When was he going to come, damn it?

After what felt like an eternity, I heard the door handle fiddle and watched Damon walk inside.

"Damon." I sucked in my breath as I whispered, my eyes lit with joy.

"What do you want, Elena?" Damon rolled his eyes as he walked in with a bottle of whiskey in a plastic bag.

His _excitement_ to see me hurt me more than I'd ever let on, but I ignored it. _He's hurt – this is just a defense mechanism. _

"I have to tell you something." I whispered again, trying to pretend that his presence was making me nervous. It was _strange _how after breaking up with Stefan and acknowledging my feelings for Damon, he looked so much more _gorgeous_ than ever before.

"What is it?" He muttered angrily as he poured himself a glass of whiskey.

"I know that you're angry with me," I started.

"That's an understatement." He scoffed.

"What I'm about to tell you is very important so please just-" I put my hands up trying to tell him to stop.

"I'm listening." Damon sighed seriously.

"I didn't realize this before, and I know that it's taken me a very _long _time to see it now." I swallowed as tears started to come to my eyes and I tried to look at anywhere but Damon's face. I realized that the words I had practiced over and over weren't coming to the overly nervous me now so I had to start over. "I have managed to lose everyone in my life." I said, and looked up at Damon's face to see what his reaction was. He looked confused. I looked away and went on.

"My parents, Aunt Jenna, Alaric," I sighed. "Bonnie's never really treated me the same since she lost her magic and I turned. Jeremy's back into drugs because of _me_. Caroline-" I started.

"Is that because of when she caught us?" Damon's sad voice sounded sorry.

Sorry for me. And the compassion I realized this poor man had was breaking my heart.

"Have you talked to Stefan?" I turned to him.

"I just got off the phone with him, he said he was staying somewhere else and that he couldn't be around me. He sounded pissed." Damon nodded.

"Did he say _why_?" I said slowly as I walked over to him.

"No." He whispered, not moving.

"Because I realized," I paused with a smile, trying to get tears not to fall my face. "That after all this time, I can lose everyone in my life but," I shook my head. "I can't lose _you_." I whispered.

I watched his face shift into several different positions and at that point I couldn't help but cry.

"_What_? What do you mean?" He breathed, as if not believing it.

"I mean, that you now have my body, my mind," I trailed on and put my arms around his neck as I brought his sweet scent and body to press against mine. "And my _heart _if you still want it." I whispered against his lips and then attacked them.

I groaned as Damon responded and quickly put his hands against my lower back and pressed me against his rising hardness. I let my hands fall to his luscious hair and roam freely through them like I had only days before and loved. His tongue aggressively fought mine for dominance in each other's mouths as we kissed each other, and I almost laughed with joy.

"Wait," He paused and pushed me away from him. "What about Stefan?" He panted and I did too, completely in shock with what he had just done.

"I told him I wanted to be with _you_." I brought his arms back to me and put them around me. "I broke up with him because I want _you_, Damon." I whispered.

"Are you sure?" Damon's words were so sad and unbelieving that whereas I would've laughed at the question, I was prohibited from it because I knew that Damon had never been chosen before.

I was the first one to ever choose _him._

"Absolutely." I whispered as a tear slid down my cheek.

He growled in glee as he kissed me ferociously again. The feel proved what I had deduced all along. I had made the _right_ decision.

* * *

**I PROMISE I WILL UPDATE THIS FAST! LIKE POSSIBLY TONIGHT! OKAY? DON'T HATE ME. I JUST WANTED AN ENTIRE CHAPTER FOR DEX BECAUSE I MEAN LIKE COME ON IT NEEDS IT'S OWN CHAPTER _THAT'S NOT RUINED BY STEROLINE!_**

**_REVIEWWWWWW3_**


	9. Chapter 9 -This is Love & Besame La Boca

MULTIPLE SONGS CUZ ME LIKEY THE SONGS.

BESAME LA BOCA

AND

THIS IS LOVE

THIS IS ALL SMUT - IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT GO HOME.

GO HARD OR GO HOME3

* * *

FOR SPANISH SPEAKERS:

**Besame la boca  
Con tu lagrima de risa  
Besame la luna y tapa el sol  
Con el pulgar  
Besame el espacio entre mi cuerpo  
Y tu silueta Y al mar mas profundo  
besare con tu humedad .**

Besame el susurro  
Que me hiciste en el oido  
Besa el recorrido  
De mis manos a tu altar  
Con agua bendita de tu fuente  
Besame toda la frente  
Que me bautiza y me bendice  
de esa manera de verdad.

Besa mis campos y mis flores  
Con tus gotitas de colores  
Besa la lluvia  
Que resbala en la ventana  
Besa mi vida y mis cenizas  
Y me diras que voy deprisa  
Besame y deja con un  
grito que lo logre

Besa el torrente  
de ilusiones  
Besame todas las pasiones  
Besa mi rio hasta su desembocadura  
Besa mi vida y mis cenizas  
Find more similar lyrics on /bC3y me diras que voy de prisa  
Besa mis dias y mis noches,  
Mis diluvios y mi cielo a pleno sol.

Besame los ojos aun  
dormido en la mañana  
Besame la piel  
Con el caudal de tu estrechez  
Con agua bendita de tu fuente  
Besame toda la frente  
Que me bautiza y me bendice  
esa manera de besar.

Besa mis campos y mis flores  
Con tus gotitas de colores  
Besa la lluvia  
Que resbala en la ventana  
Besa mi vida y mis cenizas  
Y me diras que voy deprisa  
Besame y deja con un grito  
Que lo logre.

Besa el torrente de ilusiones  
Besame todas las pasiones  
Besa mi rio hasta su desembocadura  
Besa mi vida y mis cenizas  
Y me diras que voy deprisa  
Besa mis dias y mis noches,  
Mis diluvios, y mi cielo a pleno sol.  
y mi cielo a pleno sol...

FOR ZE ENGLISH SPEAKERS:

If you love it like I love it  
And you feel what I feel inside  
If you want it like I want it  
Then baby let's get it tonight  
If you feel it, say hell yeah (hell yeah)  
Say hell yeah (hell yeah)  
Say hell yeah (hell yeah)  
This is love, this is love, this is love

Eh, baby, yeah, alright  
Can you feel it?  
Good god, yeah, alright

This is love, this is love, this is love

Can you feel the love?

I'm sure that Damon and I tried to keep calm as we kissed each other and fought for control of the other's mouths. But that calmness lasted about _half_ a second.

After heated and passionate kisses, I was desperate to be with him. Or closer. Or I just wanted _more_. I rammed him into the wall and if Damon were in any other state but shock and complete submissiveness to the idea of being with me I'm positive he would've laughed at me. But he didn't he was just as desperate for me as I was for him it seemed.

I immediately ripped his shirt open and threw it to the ground and grabbed his chest greedily as I threw myself on his lips again. He started reaching for the shirt that was tucked into the skirt I was wearing. He paused the kisses for a second and lifted the shirt from my head quickly to bring me against him again. I groaned as his right hand went straight for my breast and squeezed it as his left hand brought me roughly against his hardness. It all seemed so much – and I was only just getting started.

Damon stopped kissing me for a moment and started kissing down my neck. Sucking on every part of it, it seemed, in a straight line for the kill – my breasts.

I let my head fall back in ecstasy as he sucked on my breast and let the hand that was fondling my other breast drop and squeeze my butt. Once he finished aggressively sucking my nipple he bit it and let his tongue flick it and I was felt like I was slowly dying.

"Damon," I moaned.

I felt him grow harder as I moaned his name, and he stopped biting on my nipple to switch our positions so that I was backed into the wall. He quickly resumed his previous actions, but on the other nipple, as I lifted my leg up and put them around his waist. I was writhing underneath him and let my hands play with his hair as I pushed his head closer to my breast. He then, took his hand slid it down my thigh to underwear and started playing with the lace corners of my underwear.

Quickly, thank god, he pressed his thump against my clit and I almost jumped. He didn't let up on kissing my breasts as he started rubbing small circles against my clit.

"More." I panted, as I felt his rising member flicking towards my core. It was strange how I had never been so sexual with Stefan, but now, I couldn't imagine not aggressively wanting Damon inside of me.

Damon quickly obeyed as he stuck his entire hand down my underwear and entered a finger and started pumping inside of me while switching breasts to bite and play with. My hands pulled at his hair as the pressure inside of me was building up higher and higher.

"So wet." I heard Damon whisper, and though if anyone else had said it I would've died of embarrassment, I found it a major turn on now.

"I want you, _badly_." I moaned with my eyes closed.

He lifted his head from my chest and stuck in _two _more fingers inside me and pumped it in and out.

"Ah!" I yelled.

Damon was no longer kissing me but watching me as I was building up to an orgasm, and he he let our bodies glue almost completely against each other.

In and out, my body was preparing itself for Damon – if it wasn't already entirely prepared, and then Damon bent down against to my breast and bit my nipple gently enough and then suck on my breast.

"Yes," I whispered. "Don't stop."

"Come on, Elena." Damon panted, I could hear the strain in his voice as he entered a fourth finger and pumped up and down inside me again. "_Come _for me, Elena." His velvet voice said as he resumed his breast sucking practices.

That and another bite on my nipple were all it took to take me over the edge and come all over his fingers.

"I have to have you _now_." I heard Damon growl as he quickly picked me up and ran us to his bedroom, he threw me on the bed.

I gladly invited him on top of me as he crawled over my body. He slid both of his hand under my waist as he unhooked my bra quickly and saw me bare. His hardness was lying right between my legs as he looked over my breasts.

"God, you're so beautiful." Damon whispered as he kissed down my stomach.

I let my head fall back as Damon's head kissed down my stomach until the lace of my underwear, when he hit my core he went straight to the inside of my leg and kissed my inner thigh. I began to grip the sheets as familiar pressures were coming to me again, but in a second he lifted himself off and threw off his pants and was on me again.

"I need you, Damon." I moaned as I said the truth.

Damon needed no more. He quickly grabbed my underwear and helped me slip out of them as I helped pull down his boxers. In no time at all, Damon grabbed my hips and slipped himself inside of me.

My mouth had a wide _o _position to it as it got accustomed to the feel of him inside of me. He gripped my hips and didn't move at first, obviously loving the feel of being inside me and resting in it. As he laid on top of me, without moving yet, he kissed me and held me close to him. Finally, he started thrusting in and out of me slowly, and with the kisses I felt absolute bliss. His hands roamed around my breasts as mine roamed his muscular back and arms and we became lost in the other. I was entirely in love with this feeling of him being with me, and happy, and loving, and caring, and I was worried for what he was feeling and how to make him feel as great as I felt.

As our kissing grew more intense, his thrusts inside of me increased in speed until finally, the kissing was becoming impossible and distracting from the feeling of him moving inside of me. So we broke away from a second, and he grabbed my breasts and started circling them as he not only went faster, but _harder_.

"Ah!" My head went back and I gripped the sheets for my life.

I had one hand bring him closer to me so that his chest would be pressed to mine and we could kiss again. I wanted to kiss him into oblivion. And I wanted him to ride me harder and faster. I just wanted everything.

Damon's kisses soon fell down to my neck and as he kissed my neck and thrusted inside of me roughly, I knew what I needed.

"Bite me, Damon! _Please_." I yelled.

Quickly his fangs slid into my neck and he rammed into me as fast as possible. Then he slid a hand onto my clit and rubbed quickly circles on it.

"God, Damon!" I yelled out as I fell into an orgasm. "Damon," I moaned loudly as he kept pounding into me harder and harder desperately trying to find release.

I let my hands fall and squeeze his ass as I pushed him harder against me and finally he found release and spilled inside of me.

He got off of me quickly, and to say I was disappointed was hardly an understatement.

I quickly looked at him and rolled onto his chest.

"Done so soon?" I giggled.

"Give me," he panted. "Five minutes." He grinned cockily.

"I can give you _help." _I smiled as I rolled on him and let my hand slowly go down to his cock and grab it slowly.

"Oh?" I heard his breath hitch.

"Mhm." I nodded.

He didn't give me the chance to respond before he was on top of me again and looking at me. I laughed playfully.

"Do you have any idea how long I've waited for this? For _you_?" He said seriously, and happily.

I brought his gorgeous face to mine and kissed him as the happiness in his beautiful blue eyes overwhelmed me.

"I love you, Elena." Damon whispered as he broke away from the kiss.

"I love you too, Damon." I whispered back as we kissed again.

Those kisses always escalated into something more though – it was inevitable.

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**NEXT CHAPTER THERE WILL BE FUN STUFF AND FLUFF AND HAPPINESS AND RAINBOWS. BTW I HATE FLUFF AND RAINBOWS BUT IT'S NECESSARY SO... EXPECT IT :D**

**THANKS FOR YOUR REVIEWS THERE THE THINGS THAT KEEP ME WRITING3 DON'T LET ME DOWN REVIEWWW!**


	10. Chapter 10 - Feel So Close

**Okay so i know it's been forever since i last wrote but... I'm sorry and now it's gonna be much more often i promise!**

**I hope you guys are still reading this! I know that it's kind of a drag since everything is kind of sort of perfect with delena as well as hell. But here you.**

**This is very smut related. But next chapters will be important so ... i hope you like it.**

* * *

**Feel So Close**

**I feel so close to you right now**

_It's a force field_

_I wear my heart upon my sleeve, like a big deal_

_Your love pours down on me, surrounds me like a waterfall_

_And there's no stopping us right now_

**I feel so close to you right **_**now**_**  
**

I laid there for a while, staring at him while he slept.

The perfect symmetry of his face was astonishing. His face had not a single blemish, except for a scar on his forehead. He had a little bit of scruff on his face for waking up, but I loved it. His lips were rosy, and he had his eyes closed as he lay on his arm and faced me. I lied down in front of him, mirroring his position, and was dying to touch him. To just touch _every_ part of him, but I didn't because I didn't want to risk waking him just yet.

Before, we were so anxious for each other we just jumped each other's bones. I didn't get the chance to explore him – not even after the fourth time…

What can I say? Damon's _insatiable._ As am I.

My cheeks turned red at the thought of all the ways Damon took me – and just thinking about it made me unintentionally shift my leg to intertwine with his and pull myself closer to him.

Then I softly traced his body with my fingertips. I started at the lowest part of his leg that I could reach, and slid my way up, and I watched my fingers linger on his bare muscular arms until I heard a growl and within seconds I was underneath him.

"Good morning." He grinned sloppily as he lowered his naked self on me and kissed me.

I moaned in a stifled laugh as he kissed me. God I just wish we could kiss forever.

"Good morning," I said when he broke away for a hot second.

But then I slid my arms through his and pressed his muscular shoulders against me to kiss him, feeling my breasts squish against his hard chest, and let our legs shift as we tried to find a comfortable position – but we both knew the only comfortable position we would find would be inside each other.

"Oh, I can definitely get used to this every morning." I heard him pant quickly before pushing down on my lips again and grabbing my hips aggressively to tilt them into him.

I smiled a strained smile with closed eyes as his erection was teasing me and I had to fight myself to not moan aloud and give him that satisfaction, _just _yet.

"Oh, god." I groaned as our passionate kisses caused him to move against my core at a _pace _that was driving me insane.

He laughed as his lips travelled to my throat.

"I-I-" My voice felt dead in my throat, I could barely force words from my lips and this was even after a _fourth _time. Would it ever be enough?

I gasped as he sucked on my neck and started clenching onto my breast and circling it, leaving me senseless. "God, you're perfect." Damon growled as he sucked down my neck with his tongue and almost reached my breast.

As he focused his tongue on my breast he let a hand slide down to my core and I gasped softly, as his fingers teased me. He let a finger brush my flesh, reveling in each new moan I made.

Oh God in heaven, I had had sex with Stefan numerous amounts of times and not _one _of them felt like _this_. I didn't know it could _ever _feel like this.

He slid back up to my neck and held me close as I felt him suck as hard as he possibly could on my neck and shift his pelvis against me to – at this point – not only continue to make me feel agony, but to get some relief for himself as well.

I moaned wildly at the feeling of bare flesh to bare flesh and let my arms stretch back over his broad shoulders, meeting behind his neck and he let his hands slide up my body. Those hands, so warm, so gentle, drove me mad with desire. Lust made my vision hazy, and I moaned loudly, hips thrusting towards his in a rush of heat and warm wetness. He met my thrusts as his fingers caressed my hair, almost as if petting.

I could feel the familiar liquid trickling down my thighs already, my core throbbing, aching for him-couldn't he see that? Why wasn't he _inside _me already? A little purr escaped my throat as his fingers played with the tops of her breasts, until they too ached with rushing blood.

And then Damon took the ever so torturing road of lowering himself down my body and sliding his hand over my core. I clutched his neck, trembling, as his experienced hands slid over down me until it reached between my thighs, and he pushed inside me.

I quickly bit my bottom lip and clenched the pillows as I turned my head to the left and shut my eyes tight as I waited to feel the intense pleasure. This was getting to be _too _much – even after all of yesterday I was wound so tight at this point I couldn't wait until my release. I moaned as he started increasing his pace.

I felt my walls clench and hug his fingers as he pushed in and out, his thumb entertaining pressed on my small, pink nub.

"Oh God, please! Please! Oh!" I moaned lowly. He picked up the pace and before I knew it he slid inside of me and slammed into my core faster than I had the chance to take another breath.

We both groaned as his head rested in the nook of neck.

"God, Elena." Damon started slamming on me as hard as he could and I had already gone over the edge.

I had just climaxed even more than last night. If that was possible. My moans were so loud I was afraid neighbors would hear – so I bit my lip and moaned silently – except I bit so hard I started bleeding.

Immediately as Damon was reaching his release he took my lips – though I was still recovering – and sucked on my bottom lip aggressively. The blood he took from my lip that he was biting was obviously not enough so he slid down to my neck and quickly pierced his fangs into me.

"Ah!" I moaned loudly and panted heavily as the effects of his biting and slamming into me were making all of the crazy sensations build inside me once again. Only a few seconds later I felt Damon spill himself inside of me and collapse on me, withdrawing his fangs from my neck.

"Will it always be like _this_?" I whispered with my eyes closed as he rolled off of me but held me in his tight grasp and close to him, with his forehead on mine as he closed his eyes and caught his breath.

"Definitely." He breathed out.

And inside. I was ecstatic to know that whatever I was feeling he was feeling to. And that it would _never _stop.

My god.

If we can _always _have such mind blowing sex… then how the hell am I ever going to get myself out of bed?

Blood. That was how.

"It's a school night, you know." I giggled as he kissed my neck.

We were getting into his light blue mustang and I laughed as he rolled his eyes.

"It's funny how that's never been a problem before." He got in and fixed his seatbelt.

"So, where are we going exactly?" I ignored him.

"I told you – a college party."

"Oh, crashing a party. Right. The exact reason I didn't want to go." I laughed sarcastically as Damon started the car.

"It'll be fine, _Elena_." He rolled his tongue as he over pronounced my name and I wanted to bite him and kiss him. "I've done this plenty of times – it's so easy to get these kids to come with you and feast to your heart's content." Damon grinned.

Plenty of times? That meant how many girls? Where did he get the time? When's the last time he did it?

"Define, _plenty _of times." I smiled suspiciously, trying not to sounds jealous.

"It's fun, Elena. I promise you will have a greattime." Damon took my hand in his just as I was about to protest and I sighed in defeat. As long as I was with him – I knew he was probably right.

"This is great!" I yelled as we danced outside in the rain.

This party reminded me of that fun college frat party we went to – what was it, two weeks ago?

Except this was _so _much better. Because before I couldn't have him, and now our intimacy was not something I had to worry about.

Damon held me close to him as we danced and rubbed against each other. We had already lured about three or four people away and drank from them at the same time. We had a perfectly satiated feeling, no longer hungry for food but for each other.

As Damon let his warm hands slide down my soaking wet and extremely tight shirt and pushed my hips against his hardness I sighed with a smile of frustration that I didn't want to make apparent just yet.

God, it wasn't fair! We couldn't even dance without me wanting him all over again-

"I told you this would be fun." He leaned into my ear and purred.

I smiled lightly as I tried to resist the temptation of being with him all over again and rejoiced in feeling like this. Feeling _wanted_, happy, loved beyond imagination, it was just- just amazing. It had been so long since I had felt even remotely similar to alive again and ironically it was only after I had died.

"Scream and Shout!" Everyone in the crowd yelled and Damon laughed as he clinged to me tightly and started to kiss my neck softly.

I let my eyes close.

It hadn't been hard to fit in with the crowd; in fact, people were a bit _too _friendly if you ask me. They were too friendly to Damon at least. Every girl here took one look at him and were ready to launch themselves at him. I did find myself very inclined to choose them as my prey - I even did for the first two, but I hoped Damon didn't notice.

I didn't realize how possessive I'd feel. It was like I had never noticed until now that Damon was irresistibly attractive. Or I _did_, but I had just had to force myself to remember that he was such a monster for so long that he might as well be asexual. But _now _everything was so different. I was so different. The girl who once didn't react to Damon's flirty advances or his mere presence was so far away from me that I didn't understand her at all now.

"Let's go to the river!" A guy yelled and it broke me out of the trance that Damon had put me under while kissing my neck.

"Come on." I grinned as everyone shouted in agreement and started running down some hill in front of us.

The frat house was on a hill, I was guessing, on the Whitman college campus, and it had a large backyard that led down to a river. Some people were rolling down the hill and I laughed as some of them were just so far gone that it didn't occur to them how there could be twigs that would hit them in the face.

Damon held my hand tightly as we both ran down the hill to the river with the rest of the crowd and laughed as we almost lost our balance on the branches that we weren't paying attention to on the floor.

"Wooh!" A couple of people shouted, and it was so loud and there were so many people that I was surprised the cops hadn't come to shut us up – but it was a college town so I guess that would have never happened.

When we finally reached the river Damon took off his shirt and I hurriedly followed. I was left in a bra and ripped jean shorts and he was left in his boxers and he quickly grabbed me by the waist and lifted me off the ground and did a little twirl.

It was adorable.

"Damon!" I giggled as I playfully hit his shoulder.

I felt the water splash against my feet as Damon moved more and more into the river. And as he looked up at me adoringly he grabbed a lock of my hair that had fallen on the side and pushed it behind my ear.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered as he slowly let me slide down his slippery body.

"Damon," I whispered back, as I lost myself in his eyes.

I looked at him and my heart clenched as his sapphire blue eyes looked so sincere and sweet that I felt guilty. I wanted to tell him that everything I felt for him now, I would feel for him forever. And though, it usually scared me I was totally willing to admit everything. Everything I couldn't say before without 100% certainty I felt like I was about 80% there and every second I was falling closer and closer into him.

Slowly, slower than the first time he kissed me and I could feel my breath hitch as he leaned in. Being with Damon was so different than I had ever imagined. It was scary and terrifying and exhilarating. At times he was wild and passionate and I more than enjoyed that – but as he slowly leaned in to kiss me, I was afraid of the sweet and adoring feelings that he was stirring in my heart. It was reminding me that what I felt wasn't just passion and adventure, it was also this giant thing that I was trying to ignore but he wasn't letting me anymore.

After an eternity Damon's lips finally hit mine. And he slowly consumed my lips with his mouth. I wanted to cry. I almost wanted to push him away.

How wrong was it of me to not know if I loved him with all of my being just yet, and feel like this, and make him think I felt the same way, and start to feel more and more for him now? I felt guilty.

I knew that I was being stupid for still thinking that I felt something for Stefan, especially when it was more than obvious that what I felt for Damon was _so _intense and crazy and –

I just didn't have words. But I knew that there was a part of me that felt like everything was happening too quickly. And that I wasn't being a hundred percent honest.

Damon broke away with a smile and closed eyes as I looked up at him and he leaned his forehead on mine.

"I love you so much. You have no idea how long I've wanted to be with you," he breathed, his eyes still closed. "Like this." He whispered.

I couldn't respond to him the way he wanted if I wanted to tell the truth, so I just slowly nodded. It was enough for him though.

He leaned in to kiss me again, but this time there was nothing sweet or innocent about it as he aggressively attacked my lips and immediately let his tongue slide down my mouth and push me back out of the river until we hit the sort of shore and he laid me down on an incline and laid himself on top of me.

As Damon kissed me neck rapidly as if there was no tomorrow, I remembered that there were other people that could've been watching us and looked to the side and realized there was no one there. Damon had somehow moved us without me knowing. I almost laughed at how much he took over me, except Damon was distracting me _elsewhere. _

"Damon." I sighed with a strained smile as I felt conflicted between utter happiness and joy of being able to be with him, and anger for moving things so slowly. But eventually I felt the need to go just as slow as him and knew that I would be perfectly content if I died here with him right here and now.


End file.
